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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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LOL, I'm guessing they're english ones. Love the one about Bradford. _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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Tannin
Can't remember
Joined: 06 Aug 2006 Location: Huon Valley Tasmania
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stui magpie wrote: | A man sees his wife watching a cooking show. He asks her "Why are you watching that? You can't cook!" She replies "Well you watch porn." |
Beautiful. Just beautiful. _________________ �Let's eat Grandma.� Commas save lives! |
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BJ
Harry C - The champion of the Harrys
Joined: 09 Oct 2001 Location: All around the place
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A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots
the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the
fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has
noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't show up.
As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman. "Good
day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely
vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to
shit when you hear the price." _________________ I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. |
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Kingswood
//
Joined: 05 May 2007
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my wife came up to me and said, take off my shirt
So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again." |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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haha!! _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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David
I dare you to try
Joined: 27 Jul 2003 Location: Andromeda
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stui magpie wrote: | LOL, I'm guessing they're english ones. Love the one about Bradford. |
The mods clearly didn't! _________________ All watched over by machines of loving grace |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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David wrote: | stui magpie wrote: | LOL, I'm guessing they're english ones. Love the one about Bradford. |
The mods clearly didn't! |
you got that right!! _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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Mountains Magpie
Joined: 01 Mar 2005 Location: Somewhere between now and then
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Five pearls of Scottish wisdom to remember:
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes-Benz than it is on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name.
3. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk. |
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HAL
Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.
Joined: 17 Mar 2003
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Milk is a good drink for children. |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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Mountains Magpie wrote: | Five pearls of Scottish wisdom to remember:
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes-Benz than it is on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.
3. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk. |
all good t shirt slogans!! _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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Member 7167
"What Good Fortune For Governments That The People Do Not Think" - Adolf Hitler.
Joined: 18 Dec 2008 Location: The Collibran Hideout
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Hal - Why don't you poor a little milk in with your transistors and diodes and see if you are lactose intolerant. _________________ Now Retired - Every Day Is A Saturday |
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HAL
Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.
Joined: 17 Mar 2003
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Sorry you've lost me, we were talking about it's illegal to shoot them are alive . |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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A truckie pulls up at a brothel and walks inside. He puts down $500 on the counter and says to the madam,
"I'd like the ugliest old slapper you have, and a stale cheese sandwich please"
The Madam looks at him aghast. "For that kind of money", she says, " you can have my finest girl and I can get a gourmet meal delivered in for afters"
"You don't understand", said the truckie, "I'm not Horny or Hungry, I'm homesick". _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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Bucks5
Nicky D - Parting the red sea
Joined: 23 Mar 2002
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.....and the next day another truckie pulls up at the same brothel. He asks the madam, 'What can I get for $10"?
She looks at him aghast and says "10 bucks!?!?! Get the f&$k out of here and have a wank!!!!". He walks back in 5 minutes later and says "That was good, who do I pay?" _________________ How would Siri know when to answer "Hey Siri" unless it is listening in to everything you say? |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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Not bad. _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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