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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 6:02 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

LOL, I'm guessing they're english ones. Love the one about Bradford. Laughing
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Tannin Capricorn

Can't remember


Joined: 06 Aug 2006
Location: Huon Valley Tasmania

PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 7:12 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

stui magpie wrote:
A man sees his wife watching a cooking show. He asks her "Why are you watching that? You can't cook!" She replies "Well you watch porn."


Beautiful. Just beautiful.

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BJ Aquarius

Harry C - The champion of the Harrys


Joined: 09 Oct 2001
Location: All around the place

PostPosted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 8:25 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots
the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the
fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has
noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't show up.

As she turns back, there standing next to her, is a salesman. "Good
day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely
vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to
shit when you hear the price."

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Kingswood 

//


Joined: 05 May 2007


PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 11:58 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

my wife came up to me and said, take off my shirt


So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
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think positive Libra

Side By Side


Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 11:59 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

haha!!
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David Libra

I dare you to try


Joined: 27 Jul 2003
Location: Andromeda

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:10 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

stui magpie wrote:
LOL, I'm guessing they're english ones. Love the one about Bradford. Laughing


The mods clearly didn't! Razz

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think positive Libra

Side By Side


Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 1:31 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

David wrote:
stui magpie wrote:
LOL, I'm guessing they're english ones. Love the one about Bradford. Laughing


The mods clearly didn't! Razz


you got that right!! Embarassed

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Mountains Magpie 



Joined: 01 Mar 2005
Location: Somewhere between now and then

PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 5:39 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Five pearls of Scottish wisdom to remember:

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes-Benz than it is on a bicycle.


2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name.


3. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.


4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.


5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk.
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HAL 

Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.


Joined: 17 Mar 2003


PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 5:42 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Milk is a good drink for children.
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think positive Libra

Side By Side


Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 5:50 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Mountains Magpie wrote:
Five pearls of Scottish wisdom to remember:

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes-Benz than it is on a bicycle.


2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.


3. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.


4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.


5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk.


all good t shirt slogans!! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy

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Member 7167 Leo

"What Good Fortune For Governments That The People Do Not Think" - Adolf Hitler.


Joined: 18 Dec 2008
Location: The Collibran Hideout

PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 5:51 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Hal - Why don't you poor a little milk in with your transistors and diodes and see if you are lactose intolerant.
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HAL 

Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.


Joined: 17 Mar 2003


PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 5:55 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry you've lost me, we were talking about it's illegal to shoot them are alive .
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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 6:38 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

A truckie pulls up at a brothel and walks inside. He puts down $500 on the counter and says to the madam,

"I'd like the ugliest old slapper you have, and a stale cheese sandwich please"

The Madam looks at him aghast. "For that kind of money", she says, " you can have my finest girl and I can get a gourmet meal delivered in for afters"

"You don't understand", said the truckie, "I'm not Horny or Hungry, I'm homesick".

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Bucks5 Capricorn

Nicky D - Parting the red sea


Joined: 23 Mar 2002


PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 7:50 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

.....and the next day another truckie pulls up at the same brothel. He asks the madam, 'What can I get for $10"?

She looks at him aghast and says "10 bucks!?!?! Get the f&$k out of here and have a wank!!!!". He walks back in 5 minutes later and says "That was good, who do I pay?"

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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Wed Aug 10, 2011 8:32 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Not bad. Laughing Laughing Laughing
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