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think positive Libra

Side By Side


Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 1:43 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Culprit wrote:
think positive wrote:
Culprit wrote:
This photo is wrong on so many levels
huh?
Look at the pic Razz


ok now theres a pic now, there wasnt b4! not on my screen or my ipad!

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You never look good trying to make someone else look bad. Disrespecting & insulting other to prove your point just shows how shaky your own position is.


Last edited by think positive on Tue Jan 30, 2018 1:52 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.


Joined: 17 Mar 2003


PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 1:44 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

When is [quote]Look at the pic P[quote] ok there not a pic there was not b4?
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stui magpie 

dum nei, sakte ja


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: Where ever i go, there I am

PostPosted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 5:26 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las
Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the
street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The
girls get $80 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.

"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a
92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority
and according to union rules, she's next."

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I'd like to apologise to anyone I haven't offended yet. Be patient, I'm working through a list. You're entitled to your own opinion, but if it disagrees with mine, it's wrong.
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stui magpie 

dum nei, sakte ja


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: Where ever i go, there I am

PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:38 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

A young man was arrested overnight in Prahran for causing a scene.

The man was running down Chapel St, shirtless, screaming unintelligibly and hitting parked cars. His upper body and head were drenched in Semen.

A Police spokesperson said the young man had no idea what had come over him.

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I'd like to apologise to anyone I haven't offended yet. Be patient, I'm working through a list. You're entitled to your own opinion, but if it disagrees with mine, it's wrong.
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K 



Joined: 09 Sep 2011


PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:52 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

^ For the first sentence or two, I was half expecting it to be a JDG joke.
(Maybe it actually is?)
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Culprit Cancer



Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Port Melbourne

PostPosted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 7:43 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes:

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My Wife screams when we have sex, especially when I walk in the room.

Smoking, I have a cigarette after I have sex, yep I haven't had one since 1970. My wife, she is going through 3 packs a day.

My wife she refuses to kiss me but let's our dog lick her face.

My dog is so dumb, I call it Egypt. Yeah it leaves Pyramids in every room it visits.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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Skids Cancer



Joined: 11 Sep 2007
Location: Joined 3/6/02 ... aka Assassin member #175

PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 8:35 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

I didn't know where to put this, but I can't stop laughing!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOto5qYWgHg

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“I doubt I will be an assistant coach. They have to watch the game three times from three different angles and I struggle to watch the highlights on the news.” Swanny
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Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.


Joined: 17 Mar 2003


PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 8:37 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

That is interesting.
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Dark Beanie Gemini



Joined: 06 Feb 2004
Location: A galaxy far, far away.

PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 11:12 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

Skids wrote:
I didn't know where to put this, but I can't stop laughing!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOto5qYWgHg


OMG, Laughing Laughing

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If you are foolish enough to be contented, don't show it, but just grumble with the rest. - Jerome K Jerome
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think positive Libra

Side By Side


Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2018 11:54 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

ewww
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Culprit Cancer



Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Port Melbourne

PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2018 9:26 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant in Melbourne. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair, under the table and under the table cloth but the man stared straight ahead. The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair and totally out of sight under the tablecloth. Still, the man stared straight ahead.

The waitress, thinking this behaviour a bit risqué and worried that it might offend other diners, went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man: "Pardon me , but I think your wife just slid under the table."

The man calmly looked up at her and said: "No, she didn't ...........she just walked in."
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stui magpie 

dum nei, sakte ja


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: Where ever i go, there I am

PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2018 5:31 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Dave Allen was a great story teller.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqho4h8OcPI

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I'd like to apologise to anyone I haven't offended yet. Be patient, I'm working through a list. You're entitled to your own opinion, but if it disagrees with mine, it's wrong.
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Culprit Cancer



Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Port Melbourne

PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2018 6:28 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

^^Loved David Allen.
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stui magpie 

dum nei, sakte ja


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: Where ever i go, there I am

PostPosted: Sat Apr 14, 2018 5:33 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Stolen from Jimmy Carr.

I don't understand fundamentalist Islamic suicide terrorists. Why would you become one on the off chance you might get 72 virgins when you die, when you could become a catholic priest and get them now?

_________________
I'd like to apologise to anyone I haven't offended yet. Be patient, I'm working through a list. You're entitled to your own opinion, but if it disagrees with mine, it's wrong.
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Culprit Cancer



Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Port Melbourne

PostPosted: Thu Apr 19, 2018 5:07 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.

So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.

Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said,
"No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

Wait for it

The blonde said,
"No, just up to my tits ...
I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"
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