Hamburger - salad below or above meat?

[stui magpie]

Oi, can we keep this one a religion and politics free thread.

Feel free to release vitriol on condiments instead.

[think positive]

[Tannin]

No tabasco or vitriol please, just grilled onion, cheese and pineapple.

[watt price tully]

[watt price tully]

[stui magpie]

[Wokko]

Go to Fish and Chip shop.

"Hamburger with the lot thanks, no onion."

Done.

[HAL]

Perhaps I have already been there.

[David]

Hamburger roll, meat on the bottom, then lettuce if absolutely necessary, then heaps of tomato sauce. What else do you need?

[1061]

I clicked on the wrong one

[HAL]

Thanks for the information.

[David]

Ah, I was wondering who that was.

I'd say the verdict is clear. If you see anyone trying to put salad under your meat patty, kill them immediately.

[Tannin]

I eat hamburgers in layers. I hate getting food all over my face when I'm eating, so just biting into a decent-sized burger is not something I do. I like things small enough to get at least one end of it into my mouth without mess. (No, not you Culprit. Sorry.)

Ahem ...

Er ....

As I was saying, any hamburger worth mentioning is too big to eat unless you use a knife and fork, which is cheating. So you need a better method. Coz you are all my friends (except for Stui, who is of course a god and probably above such earthly things as friendships) I'm going to let you into the secret of how it's done the right way.

HOW TO EAT A HAMBURGER

1: Peel off the top layer, then eat that. It is for practical purposes a nice single-sided egg and bacon toasted sandwich. Hamburger is all good but this is the very best bit. (Advanced hamburger lovers can take this one step further by eating the lovely buttery toast first, then making an egg and bacon roll-up, which is the very best part of all.)

2: Next comes the meat. If it's good quality meat, that's nice too, and it has just enough onion to add to the flavour. Best of all is when the cheese is half-melted on the top of it. Superb! If it's crap meat or cooked hard and dry, throw the bloody thing away and add that evil dive you bought it from to your "never, ever buy food here again" list. Quality meat is the soul of a good hamburger.

3: Time for dessert. To finish, you have a nice, health-giving semi-toasted roll with lettuce and tomato, maybe a few other odds and ends along with them. It doesn't have the impact or ambrosial flavour of the other bits, but once you start on your plain bread and lettuce dessert, you soon find that you are enjoying it as a sort of gentle wind-down from the ecstasy which has gone before.

4: Finally, relax with a good big cup of tea and sit quietly with it, half-wishing you still smoked.

There you have it: the perfect way to eat a hamburger. Don't thank me, teach it to your grandchildren so that we may be sure the joy of living will never perish entirely from the earth.

[Mugwump]

Alternatively, shave off beard, disregard the making of a large mess on your chin, and wash face afterwards. Eating hamburgers piecemeal is just so not the point.

And mayonnaise in hamburgers is clearly a political issue, insofar as it should be banned by law.

[HAL]

I think mayonnaise in hamburgers is more than that.