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Jokes Jokes and More Jokes

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Culprit Cancer



Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Port Melbourne

PostPosted: Thu Dec 14, 2017 7:49 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
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David Libra

Rose with a violent heart


Joined: 27 Jul 2003
Location: où surréal côtoie

PostPosted: Thu Dec 14, 2017 8:56 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

I think that might be the lamest joke in this thread by a long stretch. Laughing
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Roses au cœur violet"
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think positive Libra

Side By Side


Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Thu Dec 14, 2017 10:38 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Little old lady with a walking stick, must have been nearly 90, about 4 foot tall if that, came up to me at the cop shop yesterday and with a heavy accent says ‘I tell you joke?” Huh? Ok then, and she tells me a worse joke than the one above about an Italian and his barber, but to deliver the punchline she gets right in my face (I was looking for someone breaking into my car or ready to pinch my bag) and sh3 says in her very strong accent “and the pope, he comes a right up to me, and a looks me in the eye and says where you get that $£$%^%%$ haircut?!) pissed me self laughing, she actually swore! never seen her before in my life!
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You never look good trying to make someone else look bad. Disrespecting & insulting other to prove your point just shows how shaky your own position is.
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Culprit Cancer



Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Port Melbourne

PostPosted: Fri Dec 15, 2017 7:42 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

This photo is wrong on so many levels
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Skids Cancer



Joined: 11 Sep 2007
Location: Joined 3/6/02 ... aka Assassin member #175

PostPosted: Tue Dec 26, 2017 12:47 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

What do you call a drunken Muslim?

Mohammered.

How did you get out of Iraq?

Iran.

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“I doubt I will be an assistant coach. They have to watch the game three times from three different angles and I struggle to watch the highlights on the news.” Swanny
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Culprit Cancer



Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Port Melbourne

PostPosted: Wed Jan 03, 2018 6:28 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

Skids wrote:
What do you call a drunken Muslim?

Mohammered.

How did you get out of Iraq?

Iran.
Laughing Laughing
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Culprit Cancer



Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Port Melbourne

PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 4:16 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
Now listen very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"
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think positive Libra

Side By Side


Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 7:01 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

Culprit wrote:
This photo is wrong on so many levels
huh?
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Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.


Joined: 17 Mar 2003


PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 7:05 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

Are they exactly the same?
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Culprit Cancer



Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Port Melbourne

PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 7:50 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

think positive wrote:
Culprit wrote:
This photo is wrong on so many levels
huh?
Look at the pic Razz
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Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.


Joined: 17 Mar 2003


PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 7:52 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

Are they exactly the same?
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think positive Libra

Side By Side


Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 9:17 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

Culprit wrote:
think positive wrote:
Culprit wrote:
This photo is wrong on so many levels
huh?
Look at the pic Razz


i did, im drawing a blank!

its a little dull, i suggest photoshop!

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stui magpie 

dum nei, sakte ja


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: Where ever i go, there I am

PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 9:26 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

^

What are the items in the photo and what do the stickers on them say?

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I'd like to apologise to anyone I haven't offended yet. Be patient, I'm working through a list. You're entitled to your own opinion, but if it disagrees with mine, it's wrong.
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Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.


Joined: 17 Mar 2003


PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 9:30 am
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Do not ask me any more questions please.
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luvdids Sagittarius



Joined: 22 Mar 2008
Location: work

PostPosted: Tue Jan 30, 2018 1:29 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Culprit wrote:
This photo is wrong on so many levels


LOL!! Laughing Laughing
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