The sinister truth behind Scott Cummings's hamstring injury.

[Sly]

1

S.
The Last Remaining Bad Guy.
The Incandescent One.

The Collingwood Rant.
RANT!
The AFL Ranting Board.
Don’t believe the Facts until you’ve read the Rants!

[Sly]

I received this email in my Mailbox and after much inner-debate, decided to share it with the Collingwood Faithful.


I'm an Administrator with Collingwood, and would like to relay to you the insidious cover-up involving Scott Cummings's hamstring which ranges from the West Coast Football Club to our very own President.

While I wasn't on hand for everything that happened, (nor were any Collingwood-people, bar Scott himself), we've been able to patch together what occurred through second-hand accounts.

April 5th
Friday night, 7:21 p.m.
Scott received a call from several of his former West Coast teammates and arranged to meet to catch-up. I can't name the other players involved due for legal reasons.

8:04 p.m.
Scott met with former teammates at [CENSORED] and the group proceeded to talk.

8:21 p.m.
Scott was offered an illegal white substance by one of his former teammates. We've been able to determine it was sugar from a Donut King donut. Scott resisted as best as he could, but he's only human, after all.

8:32 p.m.
On a sugar-rush, Scott accompanied his former teammates in a rental car and the pursuit of a Mr. Whippy Ice Cream van. The chase encompassed high speeds and several blocks before the van was headed-off. A "gorge" then followed.

8:56 p.m.
It was off to the Donut King Central Bakery, where Scott was coaxed to rolling himself in dough and covering himself in sugar and jam. By now, he'd already gained several pounds from the night's depredations. From what we've been able to piece together, the plan was to leave him in no fit condition to compete on Saturday afternoon.

9:25 p.m.
On the drive to their next stop, Scott begins to feel violently sick and hits one of the West Coast players (but not actually a former teammate) with a terrific burst of flatulence. FYI, the player in question did not take his spot for the Eagles on Saturday afternoon.

9:41 p.m.
At a Cadbury Factory, under the urging of the West Coast players, Scott dives into a vat of chocolate, where he becomes wedged inextricably. The players leave him, but by now, sources have gotten hold of me.

9:47 p.m.
I get a hold of the Club, prefacing it with, "I've just received the call I never wanted to hear." I explain what sources have relayed to me.

10:07 p.m.
We meet at the Cadbury Factory and find Scott in a daze, still stuck in the vat, and proclaiming himself deliriously, "The Donut King, Lord of the Sugar Marshes." The vat has been emptied of chocolate - Scott's scoffed it down, as if it were a drink.

10:10 p.m. As Scott is extricated from the vat, plans are made for emergency liposuction.

10:25-11:47 p.m. Doctors works for over an hour to get Scott down to an acceptable shape for Saturday's game. Doctors also work on Neil Balme, but this is just for the hell of it.

Saturday morning.
12:09 a.m.
Scott lays in recovery, but disturbingly, his "fat" has disappeared. It's absconded while none of us have been watching. Suspicions are that it's off to join the Federal Liberal Party.

4:58 a.m.
Doctors finally predict that Scott may still be carrying enough weight to burden his legs into injury. Collingwood decide to take the risk.

Saturday afternoon.
2:25 p.m.
As Ashley McIntosh lines-up on Scott, we believe Ash withdraws a block of chocolate and offers it to Scott. Still, it may not be enough to push him over the edge.

2:41 p.m.
This is speculation, but we believe there had to be a second piece of chocolate which was ultimately responsible for Scott's downfall. While pursuing the ball in the pocket, we believe a West Coast supporter threw a MARS bar over the fence.

2:52 p.m.
Scott's hamstring goes, the Donut King, the Lord of the Sugar Marshes, has fallen.

In conclusion, we think the West Coast Football Club targeted Scott because he was the most vulnerable and reachable in the ground, unlike any of the others.


So there you have it.


S.
The Last Remaining Bad Guy.
The Incandescent One.

The Collingwood Rant.
RANT!
The AFL Ranting Board.
Don’t believe the Facts until you’ve read the Rants!

[junkboy75]

pure gold mate

"..we flew at them as a hawk to his prey, passed through them in the disordered state in which they were, separated them into two distinct parts and then tacked upon their largest division.." -- Captain Cuthbert Collingwood, 1797