Doesn't take long for the jokes to start!

[Kristin5]

>
>What have both Ansett and Anthony Stevens' wife got in common?
>
>Both have been f@cked by Big Kangaroos.
>
>
>
> > > > Anthony Stevens was putting his three year old daughter to bed. He
> > > > told her
> > > > >
> > > > >a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by
> > > > >
> > > > >saying, "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless
> > > > >
> > > > >grandma, and goodbye grandpa."
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >Stevens said, "Why did you say 'good-bye grandpa'?"
> > > > >
> > > > >The little girl said "I don't know, daddy, it just seemed
> > > > >
> > > > >like the thing to do."
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >The next day grandpa died. Stevens thought it was
> > > > >
> > > > >a strange coincidence.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >A few months later Stevens put the girl to bed and
> > > > >
> > > > >listened to her prayers, which went like this: "God
> > > > >
> > > > >bless mommy, God bless daddy, and good-bye grandma."
> > > > >
> > > > >Next day the grandmother died.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >My gosh, thought Stevens, this kid is in contact
> > > > >
> > > > >with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl
> > > > >
> > > > >was going to bed Stevens heard her say, "God bless
> > > > >
> > > > >mommy, and good-bye daddy."
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >He practically went into shock. Couldn't sleep all night
> > > > >
> > > > >and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He
> > > > >
> > > > >was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and
> > > > >
> > > > >watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until
> > > > >
> > > > >midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so
> > > > >
> > > > >instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed
> > > > >
> > > > >there, drinking coffee, took the phone off the hook,looking at his
> > > >
> > > > watch every ten minutes and jumping
> > > > >
> > > > >at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed
> > > > >
> > > > >a sigh of relief and went home.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >When he got home Stevens wife said, "I've never seen you
> > > > >
> > > > >work so late, what's the matter?"
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the
> > > > >
> > > > >worst day of my life."
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >She said "You think you had a bad day, haven't you heard the
> > > >
> > > > news ? Wayne Carey was killed in a car accident tonight"
> > > > >


"I'm sure people see me as a screaming redhead with a big pair of boobs, but I like to think I've got things to say." Geri Halliwell, former member of the Spice Girls

[lones]

Hahahahaha very funny

[Dr Alf Andrews]

That was beautiful, Kristin ... especially the second one ... I love those really long jokes.

Anyone else want to try and top that?

floreat pica
**************
My Ph.D. thesis, "Football: the People's Game?" is now available for viewing and/or downloading at http://alf.magpies.net

[junkboy75]

Two couples were playing cards. Wayne accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Anthony’s wife wasn’t wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Wayne hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Wayne went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Anthony’s wife followed him and asked,
Did you see anything that you liked under there?

Wayne admitted that, well, yes, he did.

She said, You can have it, but it will cost you $100.

After a minute or two, Wayne indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Anthony works Friday afternoons and Wayne doesn’t, Wayne should come to her house around 2:00 pm on Friday.

Friday came and Wayne went to her house at 2:00 pm. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex and then Wayne left. Anthony came home about 6:00 pm.

He asked his wife, Did Wayne come by this afternoon?

Reluctantly, she replied, Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes.

Next Anthony asked, Did Wayne give you $100?

She thinks, Oh hell, he knows! Finally she says,
Well, yes... he did give me $100.

Good, Anthony says. Wayne came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.

**

Q: What's the difference between Wayne Carey and the Titanic?
A: Only 1600 people went down on the Titanic.

A new poll asked 1,000 women if they would have sex with Wayne Carey.
70% said, "Never again."

Q: Why does Wayne Carey wear boxer shorts?
A: To keep his ankles warm

**

A man, on his way home from work was stuck in traffic which was much worse than usual. Noticing a policeman walking among the stalled cars, he asked, "Officer, what's the holdup?"

The policeman says: "Wayne Carey is so depressed about being caught cheating that he’s stopped his car and is threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him, fans hate him, his team mates hate him and he now won’t have the $1 million from his footy contract. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh, really?" the man says. "How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only 18 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

"consectatio excellentiae"

[WhyPhilWhy?]

When Wayne and Sally first got married, Wayne said, "I am putting a box under our bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all the first year of marriage, Sally never looked.

However, on the afternoon of their 1st anniversary, curiosity got the better of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box there were 3 empty beer cans and $1,974.25 in cash.

After dinner, Sally could no longer contain her guilt and she confessed saying, "I am so sorry. For all this time, I kept my promise and never looked in the box under the bed. However, today the temptation was to much and I gave in. But now I need to know, Why do you keep the empty cans in the box?"

Wayne thought of a while and said, "I guess that after all this time you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box to remind myself not to do it again."

Sally was shocked, but thought to herself, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess he does spend a lot of time away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess three times is not that all that bad..." They hugged and made their peace.

A little while later, Sally asked Wayne, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"

Wayne answered. "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."


Any year we beat Carlton is a good year