How the war relates to AFL

[Millane42]

Got this on an e-mail:

A lot people have been saying to us "This whole "war on terrorism" is a bit confusing. Can you explain to me?"

Our response has been to come up with a simple set of analogies any red-blooded sports fan should be able to understand - just think of each protagonist as an AFL club:

USA: Essendon - Arrogant. If they suffer the slightest injury the whole world hears about it.

Al Qaeda: Footscray - Thugs who like to take out opponents behind the play. Capable of upset wins but all other supporters hate them

UK: Carlton - Have a leader who is far more outspoken than he needs to be. Have been involved in many memorable finals campaigns.

Pakistan: St Kilda - Trying hard to be one of the big boys, but has upset a large percentage of it's supporter base and may soon face a membership revolt.

The Taliban: Melbourne - The "old boys" club where members are measured as much by what they wear as who they are. Not a consistent contender but has home ground advantage in the finals.

India: Collingwood - A sleeping giant, not a contender at the moment but with a huge supporter base. Likes to think it's opinion is worth plenty, yet is largely ignored by non-fans.

The Northern Alliance: Geelong - A rabble in need of sponsorship dollars.

Israel: Richmond - Rabid supporters come from everywhere when they make the finals.

Palestine: North Melbourne - A team looking for a home, had been on the periphery for many years before the 90s. Not regarded as a big contender but with enough names to upset the favourites.

Uzbekistan: Brisbane - Northern neighbour who will receive some league help. Worry few in the south until they win a flag or two when they will become everyone's most hated foe. Undergone a name change recently.

Japan: Sydney - No attack, last campaign of any note 1945. Big player financially in the 1980s, however.

Iraq: Adelaide - Have been a contender before and opponents prefer to see them out of the finals race. Most of the teams from the other side of the border dislike them.

Russia: West Coast Eagles - Once great superpower, now in disarray.

Italy: Port Adelaide - Once a great empire with a tradition few could match. Now go largely unnoticed by all but the most loyal supporters.

Germany: Hawthorn - Tendency to blondeness. A strong finals history but off the scene of late. Unfortunate uniforms.

Australia: Fremantle - Not a contender. Just in it to make up the
numbers. An embarrasment to their supporters.