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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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5150 wrote: | A recent study showed women that are carrying a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it. |
Truth _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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Lazza
Joined: 04 Feb 2003 Location: Bendigo, Victoria, Australia
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Abbott talking to Obama today.................(Parody)
Abbott: "Mr. President, I was in Canadia last week and the call themselves Canadians. I have been informed that there is a country called Cyprus. Its citizens are called Cypriots; if we change the name of my country Australia which I'm representing to 'Idi' our citizens would be called... Idiots".
Obama: "Yes, I can see that!" |
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Lazza
Joined: 04 Feb 2003 Location: Bendigo, Victoria, Australia
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A story goes that a shark was asked why rabid right wingers were his preferred food. He replied "because their brains being small are a tasty morsel, their spines being supple I can chew on them at leisure - and they come delightfully marinaded in alcohol."..... |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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Lazza wrote: | A story goes that a shark was asked why rabid right wingers were his preferred food. He replied "because their brains being small are a tasty morsel, their spines being supple I can chew on them at leisure - and they come delightfully marinaded in alcohol."..... |
Don't you mean it's because the Lefties all still vow and declare that the Krudd/Gillard government was good, and not even a shark could swallow that. _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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Jimmy Savile jokes.
Apparently Jimmy Savile was asked to stop attending church several years before he died. The priests used to fight each other over who's turn it was to hear his confession.
What's the difference between Jimmy Savile and a greyhound? the greyhound waits for the hare to appear.
jimmy savile's last request was that after his death his ashes were to be put in an etch-a-sketch so that kids can still fiddle with his knob!
News flash: scores of dyslexic parents have just beaten up Jimmy Sommerville.
I see Jimmy Savile's family have removed his headstone, along with all the flowers growing alongside, out of respect to his victims. So, that just leaves a small hole with no bush around it - just what Jimmy would have wanted!
The Vatican has revealed that Jimmy Savile was only two rapes away from getting his own parish
They have just found Jimmy Savile's diary. His last entry was about 10 years old.
My wife asked me to take her to the bedroom and make her feel young again. She wasn't impressed with the white wig and cigar.
What do you get if you're accused of rape and child abuse when you die?Away with it.
What's the difference between a brothel and a special school? Nothing, if you're Jimmy Savile.
What's the difference between Jimmy Savile and Mohammed?
One spoke a load of bollocks, thought he was very special and molested children and the other......
Oh hang on a second...... _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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David
I dare you to try
Joined: 27 Jul 2003 Location: Andromeda
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Black humour is alive and well. _________________ All watched over by machines of loving grace |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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how many carlton players does it take to change a light bulb?
doesn't matter, they cant climb the ladder _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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Tannin
Can't remember
Joined: 06 Aug 2006 Location: Huon Valley Tasmania
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^ like _________________ �Let's eat Grandma.� Commas save lives! |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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In more news in Britain a 13 year old girl was raped by a well known public figure in what the BBC likes to refer to as "work experience"
Following Jimmy Savile and Rolf Harris, the BBC has been stunned with allegations that yet another star was involved in sex abuse. Basil Brush has lodged a writ claiming to have been anally fisted on a daily basis for decades while at work. _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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Lazza
Joined: 04 Feb 2003 Location: Bendigo, Victoria, Australia
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Skippy the bush kangaroo has come forward today after years of silence......
She say's not only did Rolf Harris tie her down but the dirty bastard went on to sing about it ! |
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Culprit
Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Location: Port Melbourne
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I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night.
They were called "Bomb Jovi".
They were brilliant.
Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down.
Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD.
I was interested so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"
Well that was when the trouble started…! |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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Hahahahaha! Love it _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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Culprit
Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Location: Port Melbourne
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Skippy the bush kangaroo has come forward today after years of silence.
She say's not only did Rolf Harris tie her down but the dirty bastard went
on to sing about it ! |
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Tannin
Can't remember
Joined: 06 Aug 2006 Location: Huon Valley Tasmania
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Q: Why don't blind people sky dive?
A: It scares the crap out of the dog. _________________ �Let's eat Grandma.� Commas save lives! |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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A ventriloquist touring Victoria, walks into a small village in Gippsland and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. Lets call the local, for want of a better name, Swoop.
He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the local "G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?"
Swoop: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid townie."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Swoop: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this bloke your owner?" (pointing at the local)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Swoop: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Swoop: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Swoop: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the local)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Swoop: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your Goat?"
Swoop: (in a panic) "The goat's a liar!!" : _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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