- The Collingwood Supporter – A Users Guide -
By ck_nd
There is no changing it, from birth one is destined to be a Collingwood Supporter.
The Collingwood Supporter comes in all different shapes, sizes, weights and states of sobriety. They can be found anywhere and everywhere (there really are so many of them) from work, out bush, overseas and very often in bars.
Outsiders (who have no comprehension of footy) tolerate them, other footy supporters hate them as Magpie supporters are known for vehemently supporting each other and their beloved Collingwood Football Club.
Collingwood supporters make up the loudest cheersquad in the league, ready to praise their players and harass their opposition fans with a collection of chants that involve everything from Premiership glory to doughnuts. Should you be on the lookout for Collingwood supporters and manage to find some hot chips, dimmies and a VB they can’t be too far away. Should a Magpie supporter want something it is usually connected with going to the footy and an ample supply of grog.
Some of their likes include magpies, beer, footy, beer and all things black and white. Their dislikes include ego-trip security personnel; Carlton, Essendon… come to think of it any other team supporters as their vein attempts to mimic the greatness that is Collingwood fades into insignificance. Throwing 5 cent pieces at Collingwood supporters at the footy achieves little but emptying your coin pocket.
On emptying a Collingwood supporters pocket you will find a little black (and white) book, a pack of cigarettes (optional), a Collingwood Met card, a comb, a bottle opener (becoming close to obsolete due to twist tops), keys and what is left of a weeks pay (not much). They like to spend their money on going to the footy, Magpie Racing horses, food and a lot of beer.
A Collingwood supporter is an amazing person that you can lock out of your house but not out of your mind. You might as well give in as they are your nemesis, your own good for nothing bundle of worry. All your dreams pale into insignificance when a Collingwood supporter knocks on your door and looks at your with those bloodshot eyes and says:
"We won at the Footy!"
Go Pies!
Carol