My 2021

[Presti35]

Ok, here goes.

I've been wanting to post something for a while now, but have kept putting it off for whatever reason. In late January, we found out that our unborn child had died and that my GF of 15+ years would have to give birth to a stillborn baby. This was our first child. We've lived overseas and been through some big challenges in our time together. Last year we bought out first home together and things seemed to be pretty good.

She had to go through a normal labor, which went overnight, for many hours. Looking back, I honestly cant believe she went through that.

We named our daughter and spent the following day with her in hospital. Both sets of grandparents came to see her and when we had to say goodbye, it was the hardest thing I've had to go through. The hospital staff were amazing. We had so many people and organisations reach out to us.

Things were very difficult over the next little while. It's like you're expecting to be going somewhere and then end up somewhere completely different and very suddenly.

We had a funeral with only our closest family in attendance. Very difficult day. They actually sent me out a recording of it all, which I though was a little bit strange. I haven't listened to it, maybe I will one day?

It's amazing the different reaction you get from people. Some tiptoe around you whilst others act like it means nothing at all. In the beginning I had a couple of breakdowns at work and felt that most people there really didnt understand or care what had happened. My closest workfriends were great though.

Things in my life right now feel almost the way they were before. Except we're going through a lot of renovations of the home we moved in to. A few other friends have fallen pregnant in the last few months which is always a little awkward to celebrate, but we're happy for our friends.

When Italy defeated England the other week, I said in a FB post, "Looks like the Romans have invaded Britain, cant tell if 54ad or 2021?" (I dont really care for Soccer that much either). But the response I got from someone I knew in England was "Hey, at least my kids are alive". I couldnt believe it. I had a few other replies that were out of character, but that was by far the worst. And when I think about the banter I received about the Ashes and the Rugby WC. And of course for being a convict. Just dont know what to say to that.

Dont really know why I wanted to post about this and tell you guys. Dont know why I waited this long either. It's just something I've been through.

I feel like there was more I was going to say, but that's all I cant think of at the moment.

[KenH]

Hey Presti, I hope getting that off your chest feels good, in difficult times we find our true friends. I hope you and your partner enjoy your new home and the reno's come up even better than you hoped. good luck for the future and hope you have some really great times ahead.

[Pies4shaw]

^ Yes. That must have been an extraordinarily difficult thing to go through. I'm sorry for both of you. Sounds like a trivial thing for me to say to your story - but I do mean it.

[David]

Thanks for sharing this, Presti. That must have been a devastating experience – my heart goes out to both of you. I’m glad that you had family around to support you and were able to say goodbye to your daughter in a loving environment. It’s encouraging to read of the support of the hospital and other services too.

(As for the Facebook comment, I’m perplexed that a friend or acquaintance could be so insensitive. I can only surmise that it’s either a thoughtless remark written without any intention of referring to your experience or else they really are just severely lacking in empathy and think a tragedy like this is fair game, which seems nearly inconceivable to me – one would like to think people wouldn’t stoop that low.)

[pietillidie]

Hi mate, so sorry to hear. Geez, that can't be an easy thing to go through. Did you take some time off, or have you been keeping busy instead?

[ronrat]

It is one of the reasons I refuse to get on Facebook. I will not say what I would have responded with but it wouldn;t be family friendly.

I would defriend or whatever it is this arsehole as a matter of priority. And I would be telling friends back in the UK why.

My Mum lost 2 babies before I was born and it was over 40 years before she could tell what happened with my sisters. One lived a day.

Keep strong and hopefully good news in the future for you and the GF.

[What'sinaname]

That's rough. Sorry you had to go through this.

As for the FB post, I would say that the poster is very unlikely referring to your personal situation. Don't emphasize the "my" in the sentence and it reads very differently.

[stui magpie]

mate, thanks for sharing. That is seriously rough, just going through a miscarriage is hard enough but to go that time and through labour and delivery already knowing the baby was dead, wow.

Sounds like you went through a good structured grieving process, I really hope it helped but don't feel afraid to reach out for support or professional help for either of you.

[think positive]

Oh man im so very sorry, I bet it feels like time has slowed down and you just cant believe the world is still moving around you. There is no getting over grief, its living with grief and it does become easier, but the hard times will still come. I havent been through this, but i do know people who have, many years later, with other children they still remember, still grieve, and still want to talk about them, and thats perfectly normal, She will always be part of your family. I hope you got precious time with your Baby Girl, and that one day She has a healthy brother or sister. Peace be with you and your partner, RIP little one xxx

as for the comment, not only do I hope you blocked them, but i hope others saw their true colours. so disgusting. I cant believe anyone would say such a thing. utter scum. clearly not worthy of your time.

cheers mate, and again, Im so very sorry .xx

[PyreneesPie]

My heart goes out to you Presti. Such a tragic and traumatic time for you and your partner.
Any words of comfort I could give would be very similar to what TP says above. She has said it beautifully I reckon.

May your daughter be kept close and safe in your hearts always, right where she belongs.