What made you sad today?

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think positive
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Post by think positive »

i hope he grows some. 92, it would be great if she passed at home, but with someone there.

my FIL was sent back to the nursing home with a fixed broken femur, he had dementia and forgot his leg was broken and tried to go to the loo, of course he fell, they put a mattress on the floor but he was so out of it, he was gone in a week, they never should have released him. it was during the end of lockdowns, so fun queuing for the hospital. we snuck some jim beam in in a coke bottle for him, it was his absolute happiest moment in a couple of years! **** the rules, he was well and truly in gods waiting room, let them eat cake.


hugs mate, it doesnt matter how old they are, its never easy
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stui magpie
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Post by stui magpie »

He called in last night, he's grown a set but is seriously stressed. I've not had a lot to do with him, he's 10 years older than me but I'm close to his youngest sister who is behaving like a biatch.

He needs to go back home for 3 weeks as there's work being done to his house up there, he can't take his mother (the drive could kill her) and trying to organise his 2 sisters (who hate each other) to cover for 3 weeks ended up in a shitfight so he's going it alone. She'll either stay in hospital or go to respite til he gets back, then likely into full time care.

The penny has dropped, he knows she hasn't got long left and he's being pragmatic. He's doing everything I'd do. I'm disappointed in his youngest sister, the one I'm close to, but she has her own mental health issues and not a lot of insight so my tentative approaches didn't go down that well.

Not my problem, just sad that someone has to go through end of days with a fractured family. Zero chance she'll have all 3 kids together with her before she passes.
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
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think positive
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Post by think positive »

and the other sister?

i mean ive lived this but im still asking!!!
cheers

good for you for caring
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David
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Post by David »

I've never quite understood how people can put petty family conflicts ahead of situations like this. See also battles over wills and who gets what inheritance. It's not so much that I think everyone needs to pretend everything's okay and keep a stiff upper lip if there's been conflict or difficult relationships in the past; it's just more about being able to work for a common cause, show some support for those around you and be willing to put yourself second.

Is this a disposition that we're slowly losing as a society?
"Every time we witness an injustice and do not act, we train our character to be passive in its presence." – Julian Assange
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stui magpie
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Post by stui magpie »

think positive wrote:and the other sister?

i mean ive lived this but im still asking!!!
cheers

good for you for caring
The other sister, the middle child, is a 24k flake, but it seems things are working out. He sent me a txt earlier, she's at home for a couple of hours today, then a bit longer on Saturday, full discharge Monday. He's going to stay with her for 2 weeks, then the middle sister will take over for a week (unless of course she changes her mind at the last minute) then she's going into a hostel or respite care or something at least until he gets back.

I messaged the younger one I'm close to and just said her mum should see things Xmas but I highly doubt she'll see another and asked how she would want to look back on her actions in her mums last days? She replied that it wasn't against her mum and her conscience is clear, I left it at that.
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
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think positive
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Post by think positive »

your a bloody good egg stui,

hopefully the older sister comes through

the other sister? i dont know how people like that live with themselves
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think positive
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Post by think positive »

David wrote:I've never quite understood how people can put petty family conflicts ahead of situations like this. See also battles over wills and who gets what inheritance. It's not so much that I think everyone needs to pretend everything's okay and keep a stiff upper lip if there's been conflict or difficult relationships in the past; it's just more about being able to work for a common cause, show some support for those around you and be willing to put yourself second.

Is this a disposition that we're slowly losing as a society?
ill never get it, i did far more than my share for my parents and hubbies quite frankly. But i CAN look in the mirror comfortably!!

my hubbys brother that passed away, his missus was very vocal about pops will when he passed, and yet there was never any thought of the brothers sons not getting the brothers full share between them.

and the fighting started over hubbies grandmothers will, just grabbing antique stuff, alll i wanted was her cheap little kettle she used to make me tea in! and i still have it!!

money makes people show their true colours!
Last edited by think positive on Fri Oct 06, 2023 5:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
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stui magpie
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Post by stui magpie »

^

Tell me about it.

When my Grandfather died, he left everything to his 3 children equally, nothing to his wife but the condition that she was to be able to live in the house as long as she lived, or wanted to.

My uncle was the executor of the estate, no one thought she would live a long time with him gone, so he never executed the estate, just left it as is. She lived for another 20+ years and by the time she died, my Dad had been dead 3 years.

Then one of Dad's 2 sisters (who's husband was the executor of the will) turned on my mother and told her that since my Dad was dead, the estate would be divided up by the 2 sisters and mum wouldn't get Dad's share. (the other sister is the one I was talking about above, she's a simple soul and just did what her big sister told her)

My parents and those 2 used to socialise together for decades, this sudden turncoat action was a big shock to mum, but she engaged a lawyer and challenged their lawyer. Guess what, they caved in. Turns out the normal thing is if the beneficiary of a will dies before the person gifting them does, their share of the estate goes to any children they may have. So I got Dad's share which pissed my bitch of an Aunty off even more than if Mum had got it.

Neither mum or I ever spoke to them again. They're both dead now. I did visit their gravestone once but managed to resist the urge to take a piss on it.
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
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eddiesmith
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Post by eddiesmith »

When my mums mum passed away she left a little bit more to her daughter that did most of the heavy lifting which was fair enough, mum was 1 of 7 children spread across the state by this time and her sister who lived near their mum looked after her every day.

They all got an equal share of the rest, which divided 7 ways isn’t much as she was in aged care so no house to sell. But the only thing mum wanted of her material possessions was her grandmother’s table and chairs solely for sentimental reasons. One of the older sisters had grabbed it, but when she heard mum actually wanted it they gave it to her, no issues.

But when Dads mum passed away, he has passed well before either of his parents, as he was an only child my sister and I inherited the house as Stui said it passed down to the children rather than the spouse.

But it’s funny the lawyer kept asking as I’m living in it will I pay my sister out or pay her rent, but we just said no, we’re family and we look after each other. There’s non of this fighting over things or selling each other out.
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stui magpie
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Post by stui magpie »

This is happy and sad. On the way home from Toc today, Daughter called, just got out of court, her and her partner have been formally declared the adoptive parents of my Grandson.

Bit drawn out and fluffing around as you'd expect with Child Protection Services involved but it's done. They are now his legal guardians and his birth parents have zero rights to him.

While that made me really happy for them, they've worked so hard and jumped through so many hoops for this, I couldn't help but feel sad (and angry and disappointed ) that I could have raised such a self centred douchebag as the kids father. My Son (who no longer speaks to me) who basically gave his son to a junkie so he could play happy families with a controlling bitch and her kids and when CPS took him off her, wouldn't take him back. If it hadn't been for my daughter and her partner stepping up to the plate, he would have ended up in the system.

Stupid cnut, this bitch is playing him like a $2 fiddle and he's happily dancing to the tune. Thank christ my daughter takes after me.
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
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think positive
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Post by think positive »

stui magpie wrote:This is happy and sad. On the way home from Toc today, Daughter called, just got out of court, her and her partner have been formally declared the adoptive parents of my Grandson.

Bit drawn out and fluffing around as you'd expect with Child Protection Services involved but it's done. They are now his legal guardians and his birth parents have zero rights to him.

While that made me really happy for them, they've worked so hard and jumped through so many hoops for this, I couldn't help but feel sad (and angry and disappointed ) that I could have raised such a self centred douchebag as the kids father. My Son (who no longer speaks to me) who basically gave his son to a junkie so he could play happy families with a controlling bitch and her kids and when CPS took him off her, wouldn't take him back. If it hadn't been for my daughter and her partner stepping up to the plate, he would have ended up in the system.

Stupid cnut, this bitch is playing him like a $2 fiddle and he's happily dancing to the tune. Thank christ my daughter takes after me.
Your daughter and Her partner are now his Mums, bless them. thats all that matters. Im sorry you have that black hole, but by gees you have such an amazing ray of of light - three of them.

welcome to the family little fella xxxx
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stui magpie
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Post by stui magpie »

^

Cheers Jo, they're both great people and the little bloke doesn't realise how lucky he is. I'm going over to watch him at Cricket training (like Auskick but Cricket) on Saturday morning then having him for the day/night til the daughter picks him up Sunday for swimming lessons.
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David
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Post by David »

Can totally understand the mixed emotions, Stui. There’s certainly no shame in reflecting with some sadness despite it all. The great news here is that the right decision has been made by the court and that your grandson is going to have a great upbringing in a loving home. Your daughter sounds like someone you must feel immense pride over.
"Every time we witness an injustice and do not act, we train our character to be passive in its presence." – Julian Assange
pietillidie
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Post by pietillidie »

Some of you folks will know much more than me about this, but by god I wish some people never had kids. I understand in the sense that having children is a biological trick that gets people in before they know up from down. But it's disconcerting to watch things happening and not be able to help because the parents are unstable themselves and can't acknowledge the need for help.

The worst case is when the parents project on the children such that they can't admit their kids need help because of how it makes them feel, even if the kid needs serious help. Grr.

I guess the best we can do is just let them know we're there. This is a case where something like the military might be the solution for the lad, but there's nothing that can be done until the parents and or lad hits that wall.
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think positive
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Post by think positive »

/\ the school my daughter teaches at is full of them! Thank the lord next years she’s teaching at the catholic girls high school she attended! Cant wait! Every time youngsters are on the news in this area we have to check the names. The 2 onthe back of the trail bikes where their cousins, the riders,were killed, were her students. Some great kids there won’t get the challenges and help they need do to the babysitting and general child rearing requirements. So sad
You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either!
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