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mandy
Joined: 03 Jun 2001 Location: Glen Iris
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Post subject: Help needed: The word 'gay' | |
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I'm having a situation at the moment where my relatively new boss uses 'gay" as a bad thing. You know what I mean. And it makes me cringe every single time.
I really need advice on how to address this. I 100% am sure she has no idea how derogative it is, and absolutely means no harm. So what is the best way for me to broach this without making her feel bad or me feel like an arsehole? _________________ #TEAMBUCKS
#TEAMEDDIE
#TEAMCOLLINGWOOD
#SIDEBYSIDE |
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Wokko
Come and take it.
Joined: 04 Oct 2005
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Not much you can do except a quiet one on one where you explain that using the word in that way is pretty hurtful to some people, and while you know she doesn't mean it that way, you'd hate for someone else to think badly of her for it.
This way you're not attacking HER, but putting it in a way that sounds like you have her back. May still get some push back, but that the best I can think of.
There is of course the option of a passive aggressive printed note saying "Gay is a sexuality NOT an insult" or something to that effect, but I hate that approach SO much. Remember: Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip." |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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Yeah, I'd agree. Take intent out of it so it's not a criticism directed at her but an explanation of how some others would be unintentionally upset at hearing tht word used in that manner.
Something like, I know you don't mean it that way, but some people could get upset or hurt if they heard you saying that as it sounds like you're putting gays down,
In the workplace it's also timely feedback to prevent a potential claim. _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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Wot they said. But
Try to leave the word "but" out of stuis sentence, cos everyone is always waiting for the BUT and that's all they hear!
Good advice guys
Good idea Mandy _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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Bucks5
Nicky D - Parting the red sea
Joined: 23 Mar 2002
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Are you sure she isn't saying 'ghey'? |
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David
to wish impossible things
Joined: 27 Jul 2003 Location: the edge of the deep green sea
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I've been in her shoes. Back when I was in high school, I used to use gay to mean 'bad' all the time; it was just the way the people I knew spoke, and I think it was probably a little more socially acceptable then than it is now. The last time I ever used it was at a party at my brother's house, when I dropped it in conversation while talking to a lesbian girl. The look she gave me was sufficient I sheepishly apologised and we kept talking; no hard feelings whatsoever.
If you can make your boss aware that it makes you feel uncomfortable in a similar way, then I think you'll have won half the battle. That could be anything grimacing when she says it, repeating in a mildly disapproving tone "that's so what?" (e.g.), even just coming out and saying next time she uses the word in that way "you know, I have people I care about who are gay and I really hate it when the word is used in a derogatory way". I think the most important thing is that you react in the moment and don't leave it for some big conversation (or post-it note, god forbid), which will make it seem much more awkward and unpleasant. Basically, if she can see that she's making you feel uncomfortable, then it might cross her mind that it's having the same effect on other people. _________________ "Every time we witness an injustice and do not act, we train our character to be passive in its presence." â Julian Assange |
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HAL
Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.
Joined: 17 Mar 2003
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I am not sure about your hypothesis. Yes I can make your boss aware that it makes you feel uncomfortable in a similar way then he or she think you'll won half the battle. |
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watt price tully
Joined: 15 May 2007
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Not that it helps but Mrs WPT's first name is Gaye.
When she was working as a nurse she used to have a name badge:
Gaye
Community Psychiatric Nurse
_________________ âI even went as far as becoming a Southern Baptist until I realised they didnât keep âem under long enoughâ Kinky Friedman |
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watt price tully
Joined: 15 May 2007
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Post subject: Re: Help needed: The word 'gay' | |
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mandy wrote: | I'm having a situation at the moment where my relatively new boss uses 'gay" as a bad thing. You know what I mean. And it makes me cringe every single time.
I really need advice on how to address this. I 100% am sure she has no idea how derogative it is, and absolutely means no harm. So what is the best way for me to broach this without making her feel bad or me feel like an arsehole? |
I find I amazing that people use it in that way. That's so gay? WTF?
Good luck with it. _________________ âI even went as far as becoming a Southern Baptist until I realised they didnât keep âem under long enoughâ Kinky Friedman |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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watt price tully wrote: | Not that it helps but Mrs WPT's first name is Gaye.
When she was working as a nurse she used to have a name badge:
Gaye
Community Psychiatric Nurse
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Lol!
I'm guessing she got a few strange questions _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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Member 7167
"What Good Fortune For Governments That The People Do Not Think" - Adolf Hitler.
Joined: 18 Dec 2008 Location: The Collibran Hideout
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watt price tully wrote: | Not that it helps but Mrs WPT's first name is Gaye.
When she was working as a nurse she used to have a name badge:
Gaye
Community Psychiatric Nurse
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Good to see she enjoys her work _________________ Now Retired - Every Day Is A Saturday |
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mandy
Joined: 03 Jun 2001 Location: Glen Iris
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Thanks guys. I think I just need to pick my moment. _________________ #TEAMBUCKS
#TEAMEDDIE
#TEAMCOLLINGWOOD
#SIDEBYSIDE |
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5150
Joined: 31 Aug 2005
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watt price tully wrote: | Not that it helps but Mrs WPT's first name is Gaye.
When she was working as a nurse she used to have a name badge:
Gaye
Community Psychiatric Nurse
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Your wife is Gaye Watt Price Tully? What a funky name! |
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stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005 Location: In flagrante delicto
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Be worse if you said last name first and dropped the Tully. _________________ Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
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think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere
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stui magpie wrote: | Be worse if you said last name first and dropped the Tully. |
Genuine _________________ You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
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