Domestic violence in the good old days

[Skids]

What do you mean 'good old days' ??? It's very well alive and well in the cult...


https://www.memri.org/tv/somali-canadian-sheikh-said-rageah-polygyny-kenya-non-muslim-women-cheap-goods-benefits-them

[David]

What does having polygamy have to do with domestic violence? (Unless you are taking a broader, structural approach to relationships between gender inequality and domestic violence, in which case this is a surprisingly feminist approach to the topic from you. I wonder what could have prompted that? )

Liked the guy in the audience with the dyed orange beard, though.

[Wokko]

Polygamy and other multi partner arrangements aren't in and of themselves abusive. There are statistics out there regarding domestic violence and certain groups in society that would be worth exploring but I'm not sure this is abuse per se.

The biggest issue with polygamy is it creates an underclass of men who cannot partner up and groups of angry young men without families aren't something you want in any society (see the random acts of violence by outcast men against women for example). Having the top dog with multiple wives is a throwback to evolutionary savagery that we can probably do without (the odd poly relationship here and there aside).

[David]

^ I think it's one of those issues where I totally understand the structural critiques (I certainly agree that it's a throwback to the bad old days of patriarchal control and deeply unequal in conception; that guy in the clip probably wouldn't be so enthused about sharing his own wife around, for instance!) but don't necessarily oppose it in practice, providing everyone's acting voluntarily and there's no coercion. I'm not sure I'd actually make it illegal, as it is here – and, indeed, am inclined to support multiple marriage for those in more, er, "modern" polyamorous relationships.

[K]

[David]

Perhaps not, but is "should" really relevant here? When you combine (a) the natural human drive for love and intimacy with (b) the socialised concept of success equalling getting laid, being in a long-term relationship or some combination thereof, and throw in (c) mixed messages about the male gender role and (d) the loneliness, disconnection and loss of meaning that has been brought about by modern society, it's hardly surprising that unwanted, socially disadvantaged single men would feel angry and disillusioned. Whatever toxic ideas have been thrown in the mix there to make things worse (such as assigning status to conventional attractiveness), that's a lot for an individual to deal with, and I'm not particularly surprised that a lot of males struggle to deal with it healthily.

I think one of the remedies for all that is for our society to shift the way it looks at relationships, by promoting non-sexual intimacy (this is something a lot of men struggle with) and sexual liberation, and I honestly think if more people who feel capable of doing so can reject monogamy and embrace open relationships, that would be a big step forward. Of course that has little to do with traditional polygamy, which has little to do with freedom or equality, but I think there's a lot to be said for pluralism and allowing people to pursue the kinds of relationships that feel right for them.

[stui magpie]

^

IIRC China's 1 child policy which was in place for decades and resulted in a gender population tilt toward more men than women caused flow on problems a few years back

[think positive]

Not to mention shitloads of dumped little girls. What a $£$%^%%$ disgusting load of dictators control that country. They allow them to contaminate food with shit that should never be swallowec and then come and destroy our baby formula markets, the so called dog festivals, just a disgusting ...

[David]

^ To be fair, the dog festivals are a purely regional thing and not exactly a dictate of the regime. It's a big country.

[think positive]

[David]

^ I'm not disputing the facts, TP, just your conflation of the regime's authoritarianism with backward regional cultural traditions. Apples and oranges.

[think positive]

I’m just in a xmaspissedoff mood, China copped it! But still, not undeserved!

[Wokko]

[think positive]

Geezus!!!

and your view on "old maids"???

[Wokko]

Depends on the 'old maid' I guess. When it's a woman who really wanted a family and husband and goes off the deep end with 100 cats it's legitimately sad. Some people though are just happier by themselves, not many, but some.

You have to by necessity talk in generalisations when discussing entire societies and social structures though.

I think with the rise in men not engaging in society and marriage and women spending their prime years 'partying' (yes that's a euphemism) we'll end up with a lot of bitter, alone old people who thought that multi partner relationships or playing World of Warcraft until they're 40 being supported by mum and dad were positive life choices.