For those watching the Prelim at home.......

stui magpie · Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2018 6:46 pm

Some tips for how to replicate the atmosphere at the G.

Firstly, you need to have someone else there to help out. There's specific tasks they need to do.

During the pre game, they need to play shit music and loud irrelevant speaking bits so you can't hear the TV.

You need to make sure the heater is turned off and the ceiling fan turned on, so it's cold and breezy.

If you plan to have hot food during the game, you need to make sure it's the most over priced rubbish you can get and that as soon as you want to go and get some, your +1 ensures they stand in front of you and frig around for 10 minutes making you wait.

Same protocol applies when you want a beer

If you want a smoke, you need to wait til breaks then leave the house, walk 3/4 the way around the block, inhale it quickly then head back. Your +1 must stop you at the front door for a body search before you're allowed back in, and then run to the bar/food to block you for the afore mentioned 10 minutes

During the game your +1 must cheer and yell abuse, usually at incorrect moments, ask you incessant questions about what just happened, how long is left etc and frequently get up and walk in front of you, blocking your view and making you move your legs or stand up.

If you want to take a piss, the toilets all need to be time locked so you have to wait 10 minutes after first trying the door to get in

Finally, after the game you need to walk around the block, then stand in the shower (not turned on) with a large block of blue cheese and your +1 constantly jostling you, for 30 minutes, then walk around the block again before you can turn the heater on and watch the replay.

Did I miss anything?

Pies2016 · Joined: 12 Sep 2014

😂😂😂😂👍🏼

And watch it on a small screen TV

Tannin · Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2018 7:24 pm

One of the great posts.

Only thing you missed was desperately trying to log on and hand over a lot of money to make sure you got the cold food, flat beer, stinky dunnies, blocked view, and etc.

Cam · Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2018 7:50 pm

Hope you don't leave home at 3/4 time to get the train...

duggieboy · Joined: 12 Jan 2005

That was classic - just couldn't stop grinning

ronrat · Joined: 22 May 2006 Location: Thailand

Have your next door neighbour anonymously dob you in for barracking.

think positive · Side By Side Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere

didick · didick Joined: 17 Jun 2009 Location: Brisbane

You need to sabotage the plumbing so that the shitter is overflowing with raw sewage after half time.

Damien · Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2018 9:56 pm

Go outside prior to the game and have someone from the subcontinent run an electronic wand over you before you re-enter your front door.

John Wren · Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2018 10:17 pm

are you the bogan nuffy element?

sixpoints · Joined: 27 Sep 2010 Location: Lulie Street

Get your seating arrangements sorted.

Have them in a row tightly together ensuring access to the toilets and food are restricted. Your guests must continuously squeeze past you banging your knees every time. They must do this at least 10 times every quarter.

Someone�s got to put their chair directly in front of yours and spend most of the game standing up blocking your view.

Finally at half time one guest must film you on a go pro, project your face onto your tv until you kiss someone.

melliot · Joined: 07 Apr 2006 Location: Bendigo

Have the dogs/cats dress up in fluro green. As they leave the living room at half time give a gob full of abuse, boo with passion, point and shake your fist, tell them their blind, and shouldn't come back.

melliot · Joined: 07 Apr 2006 Location: Bendigo

And don't forget to have the +1 spill beer on you.

think positive · Side By Side Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere

This is all so funny!

Fatui Attata · Joined: 29 Sep 2009

Take a leak in the kitchen sink.
Have 3 subcontinental chaps crouch at the foot of your tv for the last 5 mins and then when the siren goes, they stand facing you, blocking the tv.
Bang on a tv tray as an opposition player has a set shot.
Just chuck any rubbish on the floor
Mute the tv and play a really old BBC Crowd Noises double album (one side for each quarter)
Go outside after the game and struggle finding your car in the driveway.
Have a yuppie couple (neighbours?) come and sit in front of you and not watch the entire game.
Sit in another smaller room with an iPad and imagine you're at Margaret Court Arena at the $10 game simulator.
Put your tv at the back fence and sit in a fold up chair on your roof for your very own backyard level 4 experience.
Have a family member sit in a corner facing you, flashing a torch at the end of each after goal ad