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Moving back to Melbourne (& my personal crisis)

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Presti35 Virgo

Dick Lee for Legend Status


Joined: 05 Oct 2001
Location: London, England

PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 8:45 pm
Post subject: Moving back to Melbourne (& my personal crisis)Reply with quote

Wow.

As some of you know, I moved to England in August 2015. Well I've now been back in Melbourne for a few days shy of three months. That's a quarter of a year.

Home just in time to see Richmond win a flag... Geez that alone was enough to make me want to leave again.

I'd picked up a couple of casual shifts at one of the museums but it's taken me until last week to find a contracted job. That's a long time to be without work. I'd been employed since I was a teenager.

I had to move back in with the parents for a few weeks but have now moved into a unit in Niddrie.

But shit. My heart and head are just not in anything. I had to force myself into "being happy" to move to Niddrie and "being enthusiastic" at my job interview.

I had great accommodation and I had a fantastic job. I was always busy and had weekends and holidays filled with things to do and places to see.

I just cant believe how hard it's been moving back here. It's been a real struggle. I've found myself being angry at times, being completely miserable and just not knowing what to do.

Don't get me wrong, I love Melbourne and I love Australia. But all I want to do is go back and continue living the adventure that was my life over the past 2 years.

I miss my job. I miss my friends. I miss the routine I had. I'm just not enjoying things right now and feel like there isn't much to look forward to. I know things can change, but it's been very difficult. I feel like I've gone from the best time of my life to the worst.

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K 



Joined: 09 Sep 2011


PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 9:10 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to hear that. What was the reason for returning home?
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think positive Libra

Side By Side


Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 9:11 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

can you go back then? changing your mind is allowed!!
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Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.


Joined: 17 Mar 2003


PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 9:13 pm
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K wrote:
Sorry to hear that. What was the reason for returning home?
I can think of more than one reason for returning home.
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Bruce Gonsalves Gemini



Joined: 05 Jul 2012


PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 9:35 pm
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A good mate of mine came back from London a few years ago after 20 or so years, and has been miserable ever since. Old mates just didn't cut it anymore for him. Like you he misses the lifestyle.
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Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.


Joined: 17 Mar 2003


PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 9:38 pm
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Compare that to a bad mate of his or hers came back from London a few years ago after 20 or so years and was miserable.
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Jezza Taurus



Joined: 05 Sep 2010
Location: Ponsford End

PostPosted: Thu Nov 23, 2017 11:11 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Can you afford to move back to England if you wanted to Presti?
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David Libra

Reel around the fountain


Joined: 27 Jul 2003
Location: Anywhere, I don't care I don't care I don't care

PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2017 8:45 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

How has the situation gone with your girlfriend if you don't mind me asking, Presti? Are you no longer together?
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Presti35 Virgo

Dick Lee for Legend Status


Joined: 05 Oct 2001
Location: London, England

PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2017 6:06 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks to everyone who replied.
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Presti35 Virgo

Dick Lee for Legend Status


Joined: 05 Oct 2001
Location: London, England

PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2017 6:15 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

K wrote:
Sorry to hear that. What was the reason for returning home?


Thank you. My girlfriends working visa expired and she was very keen to get back to Melbourne. (My Visa goes on for a further 3 years).

think positive wrote:
can you go back then? changing your mind is allowed!!


I can go back, but I dont think it'll be that easy. I've kept in touch with many people from my workplace and they'd have me back in a second. But for how long that will be the case, I dont know?

Bruce Gonsalves wrote:
A good mate of mine came back from London a few years ago after 20 or so years, and has been miserable ever since. Old mates just didn't cut it anymore for him. Like you he misses the lifestyle.


I've also found my friends here to be rather bleak. By that I mean, they're just over critical and never happy for anyone. I dont really see them much now that I'm living on the other side of the city.

Jezza wrote:
Can you afford to move back to England if you wanted to Presti?


I can afford it money wise, yes.

David wrote:
How has the situation gone with your girlfriend if you don't mind me asking, Presti? Are you no longer together?


Thats cool David. We are still together. It's been very tough tho. There's still a lot going on there.

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Mugwump 



Joined: 28 Jul 2007
Location: Oxford, England

PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2017 6:50 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

The conclusion from your note is probably that you should come back. I can understand it, as London is simply, to me, the greatest city on the planet. Iíve lived here for ca 25 years, on and off, and it is a drug. I think Melbourne is very cool too, but Niddrie isnít necessarily Melbourne, and London is unique. Perhaps, if you miss the buzz, you would be better off living more inner-city in Melbourne.

The second thing to think about is whether three months is enough to settle. Perhaps tell yourself that this is a visit, and that you will go back in July next year, so you do not feel that it is gone forever, then see if you still feel the same way by end April. You may well find the change shock has worn off a bit by then.

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Presti35 Virgo

Dick Lee for Legend Status


Joined: 05 Oct 2001
Location: London, England

PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2017 8:41 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Mugwump.

Funnily enough, I have been saying to myself that I'll be going back. I almost packed it all in and went back in September/October. But my mother talked me out of it. Said I needed to give it more time as I'd only just left.

Since Ive started a new job, I dont know about asking for holidays in Feb, March or April. But I've been thinking about visiting for a few weeks in that time.

Just trying to sort things out with the Mrs. If I go back, its over between us. We've been together for almost 11 years. And she's starting to talk about having children.

It's hard to know exactly what I want, but I know I wanted to stay in the UK for a year, or 3, longer.

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Mugwump 



Joined: 28 Jul 2007
Location: Oxford, England

PostPosted: Fri Nov 24, 2017 9:26 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

^ what you want is, as usual in life, incompatible things : The girl vs the city and the lifestyle, freedom vs love and responsibility. Only you can decide which is the answer, and you may not know for years whether it was the right one, if you really know at all.

So what might happen ? You come back to the UK and she leaves, and you spend the rest of your life thinking that she was the One. I guess only you know how likely that is. Alternatively, you stay, marry (or whatever) and have kids, and you spend several years resenting the burden that having children and raising a family represents when you so want to be somewhere else. Again, only you can judge how likely that is.

I donít usually talk about personal stuff on here, and I wonít go into detail, but many years ago I faced a similar dilemma about the same city. In the end, I chose the city, and the person I ended up marrying as a result was a better choice than the person I let go. Why was she a better choice ? Well, for a start, she shared my love of London, which meant she understood a lot of other things about me.

I donít know if you have any rights to stay and work in the UK longer term, but if you do not, then it is worth reflecting that one day you will have to do what you are doing now. So perhaps it is not worth throwing on the rocks a perfectly good relationship because of the pain of a transition that must, ultimately, be borne anyway.

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Presti35 Virgo

Dick Lee for Legend Status


Joined: 05 Oct 2001
Location: London, England

PostPosted: Sat Nov 25, 2017 11:52 am
Post subject: Reply with quote

^ Very helpful post. Thank you again.

I am able to work there for a further 3 years and apply for permanent residency after that. (I have an ancestry visa as my grandparents were born in Scotland).

Another thing to note, is that on the way home, we stopped over in Hong Kong for 5 days. There was a Typhoon while we were there and I also picked up some weird bug which has stayed with me. It's caused stomach aches and all kinds of annoying things. Doc's reckon it'll go away soon, but geez, it hasn't helped me get going. Every time I eat I feel really ill.

But yeah. I think I'll need to just keep going until sometime around April to see how I feel. Once we get passed Christmas and into a new year, I'll hopefully have a better feel about things.

Thanks again to all that posted.

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Mugwump 



Joined: 28 Jul 2007
Location: Oxford, England

PostPosted: Sat Nov 25, 2017 6:06 pm
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^ well, good luck. Itís always best to avoid making big decisions when sick. Illness makes us someone else. Assess again in 6 months after you are well.

Whatever choice you make, regrets are probably inevitable, but they are also destructive and wasteful. Try to choose not to have them, unless you are prepared to act on them.

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