The curse exposed

[qldmagpie67]

Every wonder why we have such a injury cruse ?
Ever wonder why we have lost so many GF's
Ever wondered why we seem to draft or trade in good players only to see them fail to deliver ?
Well wonder no more.
I have had a team of historical investigators scour the ancient transcripts of several societies (Greeks Romans Egyptians Inca's Aztcecs Chinese Japanese Viking Eskimos even Harry Potter) to uncover some ancient plot to bring this great club down.
After many thousands of hours research translating documents, reading carvings in stone, deciphering old testaments and scouring graveyards for clues we have uncovered the basis to all our woes.

It's called sidebottomitis
An ancient but potent curse many years in the making that renders any unfortunate club or team powerless to succeed.

Let's go back to the beginning and relate the what was believed to the fable of 3 wise men (translated names of Eddie Bucks & Scotty) and a virgin (MONA) who happened upon a baby in the reeds. They assumed this poor unfortunate child had been abandoned by unloving parents. Wrong this was the first born son of Adam & Eve Sidebottom. They new that the son they born out of wed lock would forever be cursed so they layed him in the reeds hoping like heck a crocodile or other man eating serpent word rid them of this curse.
Fast forward to cleopatra and her surprise death. We exhumed her body and found unlike the story told of dying from the venom of a asp she actually died of heart failure. Deciphering the cravings in her crypt it appears she was watching some slaves play a funny game where a oval shaped camel bladder filled with sand was kicked and passed around until someone neatly slotted it between 2 tall palm trees. The inscription read " that damn slave Sidebottom missed a sitter from half a dune out costing me 12 pieces of gold.

Julius Caesar was thought had been killed after being stabbed by Brutus in an power play. Not true again it was because Caesar had nominated maximus Sidebottom to lead the legions of Rome into battle.

Lee Harvey Oswald is commonly known for killing JFK. The Warren commission assumed Oswald had been aiming at the president. Incorrect if you look over the presidents shoulder toward the grassy knoll you will see a short man with a football in his hand. This was the target of his bullet. So who was this mysterious man ? Billy Joe Bob Sidebottom

The Victorian cricket team was very quick to learn the curse existed after picking one Ryan Sidebottom to play. After a glorious debut taking 1/150 and making 0 runs in a game his team lost outright this costing them a place in that years shield final he was sent back to Shepparton never to be selected again.

2009 season commences with the astute drafting of Dayne Beams, Jarrod Blight, Luke Rounds, Leigh Brown, Tristan Francis Jarryd Blair, Johnny Bennell, Toby Thoolen, Lachie Keefe & Scott Reed the club appeared in great shape moving forward. However the curse was due to strike and strike withndevasting effect.
Derek Hine as usual met with all potential draftees. As a favour to a old girlfriend he met with a young man weirdly named Steele. Steele's family offered the unsuspecting Derek and warm drink unbeknowns to him containing a mind altering drug.
Come draft day with the club ready to unleash a drafting spree to lead us to the promised land Derek goes rogue and nominates Steele with pick 11 when most phantom draft had him going in the second or third rounds. Obviously stunned by events later Hind tries to convince gullible supporters this is a master stroke.
The first few years the magic of Swan Pendles Maxy Shaw Reid Johnson Jolly Ball Didak Beams Brown Blair is enough to hold the curse at bay.
But one by one the curse over powers them until it has consumed the whole club and all involved.
Today we see what th curse has done we recruit a player with speed like Freeman and he never walks again, our AA CHB is layed prone for years with hamstring issues, one of our greatest players ever spends 5 seconds on the ground round 1 2016 and gets a career ending injury our skipper who is a strong sorcerer himself is always battling some injury from the curse.
Other players simply pack up and leave before the curse has a chance to strike them prone.

It's time people we rid the club of sidebottomitis the only way we know works and trade him to Carlton

[stui magpie]

Too much work in that to leave it sit unresponded to, but I disagree.

Sidey frustrates me too at times, he can make the difficult look easy and the easy look difficult. He is the bizarro doppleganger of Blair

[think positive]

I thought we were all at sea!

I assume its curse!

[melliot]

No, we are crusing and losing. Certainly rough seas ahead. And the captian is going down with the ship.

[RudeBoy]

We currently have one of the shortest injury lists in the comp.

[melliot]

[Harrysz]

Fun stuff.
Well done.

[Piesnchess]

nicely done, well written, jeez, bet that so called journo Slobbo Robbo could not put a story like that together, nor Caro.!