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Nick's Posting XXII:Round 5 vs The Essendon Leftovers

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swoop42 Virgo

Whatcha gonna do when he comes for you?


Joined: 02 Aug 2008
Location: The 18

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:01 pm
Post subject: Nick's Posting XXII:Round 5 vs The Essendon LeftoversReply with quote

Wow what a week for the coach.

I woke up Monday morning with a camel head in my bed.

Now this isn't unusual except the head is generally attached to a nice warm body.

I immediately expected John Wren was behind this until I noticed the large J W carved into its forehead and remembered this was meant for him as arranged with Stui.

A simple mistake which I can forgive as Stui is accustomed to arranging camel head for me (it's the tongue).

Alas upon arriving at work to my dismay Qldmagpie67 who I thought was a loyal servant had attempted to undermine me in calling for a coaching spill.

I quickly arranged for the camels dong to be delivered as a warning but again Stui made a postal error and last I heard it was being used as a marital aid in the Think Positive household and as a result she has been ruled out for this week.

Bad naughty Stui.

So here we are, in a terrible state of affairs.

I've tried searching my soul only to recall I sold it to get the job in the first place.

Then it struck me, the answer to our problems has been staring me in the face from the very beginning.

And so not since the days of Malcolm Blight (or the ill fated all Tannin team) we will see a playing coach grace the field once again.

UNLEASH THE BEAST.

8 changes.

In:Swoop42, King Monkey, The Boy Who Cried Wolf, Bucksisfuturecoach, Rick, Thompsoc, Cam, Simon Tonna

Out:Jezza, 3rd Degree, Pies4shaw, Rudeboy, David, Wokko, Think Positive, Neil


F:Didick, Swoop42, Piedys

HF:Cam, King Monkey, What'sinaname

C:Bob Sugar, Yin-Yang, Dangles

HB:Lazza, Simon Tonna, Qldmagpie67(AVC)

B:Jackcass, Watt Price Tully, John Wren

Foll:Stui Magpie(C), An_Inkling, Rick

Int:The Boy Who Cried Wolf, Thompsoc, Dave The Man, Bucksisfuturecoach

Emg:58pie, Magpietothemax, Rudeboy



Assistant Coach:Magpie Bat
Opposition Anal yst:Pies4shaw
Head Fluffer:5150
Assistant Fluffer:David
Dim Sim Cook:Jezza
Goat Wrangler:Bucks2014
Blair Appreciation Society President:Think Positive
Minister For Women:Wokko
Had Enough Of This Shite:Woftam
Master Debater:Carringbush Cigar
Kool Aid Mixer:35forever
Betty White Lookalike:Piesnchess
Proctologist:Neil Appleby


Last edited by swoop42 on Sun Apr 24, 2016 7:52 pm; edited 2 times in total
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piedys Taurus

Heeeeeeere's Dyso!!!


Joined: 04 Sep 2003
Location: Resident Forum Psychopath since 2003

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:05 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Lol, have Blaired my spot in the team by being totally useless!
Suckers! Now you'll know what it is like to take the field with effectively one less player than the opposition....

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What'sinaname Libra



Joined: 29 May 2010
Location: Living rent free

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:08 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

HF....whoo hoo. So long as I get a few token tackles, I'm guaranteed a game for life. No need to worry the scoreboard or even take a mark inside 50.

I can spend most of the match polishing Dyso's balls.

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swoop42 Virgo

Whatcha gonna do when he comes for you?


Joined: 02 Aug 2008
Location: The 18

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:12 pm
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You and Piedys better hurry up and decide who's bloody Blair.

I can only favour the one.

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piedys Taurus

Heeeeeeere's Dyso!!!


Joined: 04 Sep 2003
Location: Resident Forum Psychopath since 2003

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:13 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

What'sinaname wrote:
HF....whoo hoo. So long as I get a few token tackles, I'm guaranteed a game for life. No need to worry the scoreboard or even take a mark inside 50.

I can spend most of the match polishing Dyso's balls.


Errr... the Sherrins or kookaburras? [...gulp...]

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What'sinaname Libra



Joined: 29 May 2010
Location: Living rent free

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:25 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

swoop42 wrote:
You and Piedys better hurry up and decide who's bloody Blair.

I can only favour the one.


I'll be the Goldsack. All he ever does is apply tackling pressure.
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qldmagpie67 



Joined: 18 Dec 2008


PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:27 pm
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Coach Swoop I think you have misunderstood the poll.
You see the poll wasn't about replacing you it was more to show you how much you are supported and admired among the posters.
A more loyal servant one wouldn't find.
I'm glad we sorted that misunderstanding out
Now onto the game good to see my ole mate Dyso in the side
I've heard rumours he's been in absolutely outstanding form recently
There's been reports circulating he's been taking on 2 or 3 lady boys at a time to ready himself for tackling multiple opponents.
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piedys Taurus

Heeeeeeere's Dyso!!!


Joined: 04 Sep 2003
Location: Resident Forum Psychopath since 2003

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:29 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

What'sinaname wrote:
swoop42 wrote:
You and Piedys better hurry up and decide who's bloody Blair.

I can only favour the one.


I'll be the Goldsack. All he ever does is apply tackling pressure.


Yay! I get the Blair gig! Sorry, gotta go now - need to practice slipping over, and being where the ball ain't!

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piedys Taurus

Heeeeeeere's Dyso!!!


Joined: 04 Sep 2003
Location: Resident Forum Psychopath since 2003

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:31 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

qldmagpie67 wrote:
Now onto the game good to see my ole mate Dyso in the side
I've heard rumours he's been in absolutely outstanding form recently
There's been reports circulating he's been taking on 2 or 3 lady boys at a time to ready himself for tackling multiple opponents.


I'll tackle whoever you want - as usual, you pay for it out of petty-ca$h.
And when that is spent, handover the credit card thanks.

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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 6:53 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

Look, sorry about those stuff ups with the camel parts coach. TP will be fine once she can walk and the surgeons can remove the manic smile.

With my evil twin (or am I his?) King Monkey back in the team and us rotating between CHF and Ruck we will give the dopers a real shake.

I've got some dried chillies I'm bringing, any player who doesn't show the necessary desire to run hard will get their balls massaged by the fluffers with a blend of olive oil and crushed dried scorpion chillies.

You'll fkn run then.

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RudeBoy 



Joined: 28 Nov 2005


PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 7:04 pm
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I expect to be a late inclusion and will not let you down coach. I'm just disappointed this game is not being held at Victoria Park, where we could have had a punch on with the Bummers cheersquad prior to the game and set their floggers on fire!

Ah....those were the days. Wink
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5150 Sagittarius



Joined: 31 Aug 2005


PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 7:08 pm
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Great work Stui, I'll be rubbing the Chili into the balls of anyone showing signs of the first 4 weeks with the sand paper mittens my parents made me wear as a teenager.

David will be strictly fluffing nipples and bald spots.
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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 7:12 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

5150 wrote:
Great work Stui, I'll be rubbing the Chili into the balls of anyone showing signs of the first 4 weeks with the sand paper mittens my parents made me wear as a teenager.

David will be strictly fluffing nipples and bald spots.


If you're going to use those mittens we may also need some tubs of frozen yoghurt to use during the breaks and when on the bench to keep them still Shocked Laughing

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Cam Capricorn

Nick's BB Member #166


Joined: 10 May 2002
Location: Springvale

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 7:13 pm
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You'll find our forward pressure is up but I think our cohesion will be suspect if the Dons bring their A game. We are split down the middle and divided into two camps, the "perceptive fellow" and the grass is always greener sect.

Leading teams are trying to help us through behind the scenes but there seems to be a split in dealing with them too, between the Leading Teams Rulers and the Malthouse Advocates of Freedom disciples.

In short, we could be stuffed because of our divisions but individually our efforts will be 110% to try to keep us getting picked.

Very worried about our clangers, and whether or not we can stop the uncontested ball.

We may even have to run out through two separate banners, both the official and unofficial cheersquads have been commissioned to do this. If we can channel our rage away from ourselves and onto the Dons we will be a chance.

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neil Sagittarius



Joined: 08 Sep 2005
Location: Queensland

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 7:35 pm
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You dropped me!!!!
And STILL play Bob Sugar!
Talk about the coach playing favourites
Sack the coach

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