Help needed: The word 'gay'

[mandy]

I'm having a situation at the moment where my relatively new boss uses 'gay" as a bad thing. You know what I mean. And it makes me cringe every single time.

I really need advice on how to address this. I 100% am sure she has no idea how derogative it is, and absolutely means no harm. So what is the best way for me to broach this without making her feel bad or me feel like an arsehole?

[Wokko]

Not much you can do except a quiet one on one where you explain that using the word in that way is pretty hurtful to some people, and while you know she doesn't mean it that way, you'd hate for someone else to think badly of her for it.

This way you're not attacking HER, but putting it in a way that sounds like you have her back. May still get some push back, but that the best I can think of.

There is of course the option of a passive aggressive printed note saying "Gay is a sexuality NOT an insult" or something to that effect, but I hate that approach SO much. Remember: �Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip."

[stui magpie]

Yeah, I'd agree. Take intent out of it so it's not a criticism directed at her but an explanation of how some others would be unintentionally upset at hearing tht word used in that manner.

Something like, I know you don't mean it that way, but some people could get upset or hurt if they heard you saying that as it sounds like you're putting gays down,

In the workplace it's also timely feedback to prevent a potential claim.

[think positive]

Wot they said. But
Try to leave the word "but" out of stuis sentence, cos everyone is always waiting for the BUT and that's all they hear!

Good advice guys

Good idea Mandy

[Bucks5]

Are you sure she isn't saying 'ghey'?

[David]

I've been in her shoes. Back when I was in high school, I used to use gay to mean 'bad' all the time; it was just the way the people I knew spoke, and I think it was probably a little more socially acceptable then than it is now. The last time I ever used it was at a party at my brother's house, when I dropped it in conversation while talking to a lesbian girl. The look she gave me was sufficient � I sheepishly apologised and we kept talking; no hard feelings whatsoever.

If you can make your boss aware that it makes you feel uncomfortable in a similar way, then I think you'll have won half the battle. That could be anything � grimacing when she says it, repeating in a mildly disapproving tone "that's so what?" (e.g.), even just coming out and saying next time she uses the word in that way "you know, I have people I care about who are gay and I really hate it when the word is used in a derogatory way". I think the most important thing is that you react in the moment and don't leave it for some big conversation (or post-it note, god forbid), which will make it seem much more awkward and unpleasant. Basically, if she can see that she's making you feel uncomfortable, then it might cross her mind that it's having the same effect on other people.

[HAL]

I am not sure about your hypothesis. Yes I can make your boss aware that it makes you feel uncomfortable in a similar way then he or she think you'll won half the battle.

[watt price tully]

Not that it helps but Mrs WPT's first name is Gaye.

When she was working as a nurse she used to have a name badge:

Gaye
Community Psychiatric Nurse

[watt price tully]

[think positive]

[Member 7167]

[mandy]

Thanks guys. I think I just need to pick my moment.

[5150]

[stui magpie]

Be worse if you said last name first and dropped the Tully.

[think positive]