Guys punching above their weight

[Dangles]

<Split from "Things that made you go WTF"> thread

Must've been "Guys Punching Above Their Weight Day" today. I walked into Broady shopping centre this arvo and in the space of about two minutes I saw three couples where the female was considerably more more attractive than her male partner.

[HAL]

Do you enjoy the physical or psychological aspect more?

[Dangles]

^Depends.

[David]

[swoop42]

Big wallet is generally the reason.

Massive willy on occasion.

I'm screwed either way.

[think positive]

[HAL]

Tell me more about reason.

[Dangles]

[David]

^ I'm interested to know why you're pessimistic about your prospects – is it age, or money, or physical appearance, or just that your standards are high? (Feel free to PM if you'd prefer.)

My grandmother, who's 92, has been having a relationship of sorts for nearly five years with a bloke of the same age in her retirement village. It really is never too late (though, admittedly, if one is only attracted to 21-year-old girls, that does make things a bit harder).

[Wokko]

[Dangles]

^Good post and rings very true to me. I totally agree with the 80/20. It's probably why I feel insensed when I hear women criticizing all men for the behavior of the 20%.

"Physical appearance is only unimportant if you're not constrained by it"

Spot on. I have no interest in listening to guys with smoking hot girlfriends lecture anybody about being shallow. I also wouldn't be interested in hooking up with someone who has "settled" for me because she couldn't pin a top dog down. If I wasn't good enough for her during her the best years of her life then I'm not interested in her once her stocks on the single market have dropped. That'd be like concededing that the guys she couldn't pin down are somehow better than me and I won't accept that.

[David]

I think that view of relationships is terribly hierarchical and competitive. It's almost like something out of a pick-up artist's handbook. Most people in the real world aren't quietly rating everyone they meet out of 10 or trying to work out which 'league' they belong to.

I'm not the least attractive guy in the world, but my patchy social skills and lack of self-confidence used to make me more or less 'undateable'. I had heaps of unrequited crushes on girls as a teenager. But in hindsight, I wouldn't have been that compatible with any of them – not because they were '8s' and I was a '6' or something stupid like that, but just because we had fundamentally different personalities and weren't even all that interested in the same things. When I think about it, my attraction to most of them was a little shallow in some ways.

Fast-forward to now, and I've just celebrated my five-year anniversary with the mother of my child. With her, I had an instant connection, instant compatibility and we still click years later. We share the same passions, we're at the same intellectual level, we're physically attracted to each other (although neither of us would be '8s' or '9s' or '10s' by mainstream cultural standards) and I feel like I can talk to her really easily.

That's just luck, I acknowledge. I could easily still be single or be in a relationship with someone I don't have a connection with. But to pick-up artists, my situation shouldn't even exist. I should have 'traded up' years ago to someone with a higher number in the looks and social standings chart, or gone to a night-club and used some line to trick a barbie doll into sleeping with me, and then maintained the charade as long as possible so I could be the 'top dog' with the alpha babe on my arm. It's ridiculous, but that's what some people out there would think. If that's your priority in life, you can probably, with some limitations, achieve it – you know, get ripped, get wealthy, get super-confident, and become #1 male in the nightclub, if that's your thing.

The idea that not doing so constitutes 'settling', though, is pretty insulting and short-sighted. When I think about it honestly, the vast majority of 'objectively hot' women do not interest me one bit. Because it's so rare to truly emotionally connect with someone, the chances are that I'd run out of things to say to Scarlett Johansson within about two weeks. That's just the way it is. But that's perfectly ok, because having a trophy wife is not high on my list of life ambitions. Having a partner who I deeply love and trust is.

The beauty of love and human relationships is that people's personalities and interests are so different. The person that you're most compatible with is not the person Wokko or Tannin or Stui or think positive or me would be most compatible with. I think the key is having an open mind and not being too fixated on a certain 'kind' of partner. Physical attraction isn't always instantaneous, and connection is as rare as hen's teeth. People looking for the ideal relationship need to stop playing the game and start looking and listening.

[Dangles]

So what's wrong with wanting to be in a relationship with someone you're physically attracted to AND have an emotional connection to?

[David]

Nothing at all! I guess it depends how you define attraction – is it the 2% of people in the world that you find extraordinarily beautiful, or is it someone who you find somewhat attractive? Surely the latter leaves you with plenty of options, I would have thought.

[think positive]

Gees this is depressing!

Is the female species really that shallow?

I dated a drop dead gorgeous guy for a while, (I mean smoking hot, drop dead gorgeous movie star looks and body, and a voice of pure silk, and a really magnetic personality too) but I knew he was out of my league so I didn't let myself get attached. I thought I was punching above my weight, and I could never quite believe he asked me out! We had been work friends for a while anyway, so it was more friends with benefits. And I don't regret it one bit. I stopped seeing him when I met my hubby.

I have no regrets, and only fond memories, because, unlike other bastards who broke my heart, I never let him get under my skin. OMG. Even now the thought of him gets my pulse racing. Bit of the James Dean thing there though, die young stay pretty. Tim had epilepsy, it always struck me as kind of ironic, such perfection, but with a fatal flaw. I still remember the day i got the call, I was shattered. Heart broken, such a fantastic soul was gone. I went to the funeral, and the church was full of gorgeous girls. And his current girlfriend. I was shocked. I couldn't believe how ordinary she was! And yes I know that's bitchy! I never heard anyone say a bad word about him ever. Made me wonder if I was the superficial one, but judging myself, instead of him....

of course there's been other cute guys, that I didn't feel out of place with, and one really charismic guy that almost broke my heart! But I left. Before he could. And, as they say, the best revenge comes years later, when they have really let themselves go, and you haven't!! Suck on that Vladimir!

Can you have real love without physical attraction? I think it's possible, depends on your value system, your preferences (I don't get the preference for fat arses for a start!) but I reckon being blind would help! Certainly, a gorgeous face and body helps, but all beautiful things fade. Or die.

What is settling really? are you aiming for someone you think you don't deserve? Why don't you? Or, have you let yourself go, and soyoudrop your "standards?" What are "standards anyway?" Who has a right to say your not worthy of someone else.

I remember going Ito the tall ships with a girlfriend, and she said 'how about that sailor over there, he's looking at you?" I said, "hmm, not bad I guess" she says, "he's alright for you". WTF!! I was go smacked! This girl was my boss at work, but other than that she didn't have any attribute I consider better than what I had to offer! Once again, later on I found out the karma bus smacked her good!

It's a bloody shame there is so much emphasis on outer beauty. And funnily enough, I don't think men and woman agree on what that is either! You only have to look at the super skinny phase to see that!

Never give up on finding love. In some form or another.

But then ,there's always dogs! The four legged kind that is!