16 Clubs, a look forward

[Cam]

by round 6

Adelaide - Crows players will officially hate going on road trips knowing that their injured rooboy is taking care of business at home. The Rams Gate hotel is to become the key prop in a new telemovie entitled 'Monaro Nights' a sordid tale of testosterone, ug boots and kingswoods.

Brisbane - will find out that their 500 grand have bought them a second hand F-4 Phantom instead of a F-18 Hornet. Shower times will be better though, Cara will show his defensive skills by picking up the only slippery forward he is capable of grasping - the soap.

Carlton - Collo will announce that the blues are moving to Colonical Stadium, and that Optus oval is being sold to the NSL. So there will be just as many divers running around Princes Park as is usually the case.

Collingwood - After losing the first 2 games by a point each and thus tempering the expectations of the magpie faithful (and pruning the bandwagon a little) The black & whites will return to form by smashing traditional rivals carlton & essendon prompting sheedy to finish his "collingwood is coming" series of speeches with "collingwood is capable of multiple orgasms"

Essendon - in a year when the baby bombers will finish outside the eight sheeds will preach patience with his youngsters to those cranky old men that make up most of essendons membership. Fletcher meanwhile will notch up his 100th deliberate trip and be rewarded with the upper house seat of Templestowe at the next state election.

Fremantle - will have won three games, all at home and been bastardised by bottom four sides away. So whats new.

Geelong - Ben Graham's commitment will be questioned - to which he will reply "Mum says i'm a big kick - that's good enough for me." Bomber Thompson will have interviewed Fat Cat to slot in the Geelong forward line at CHF. Thompson "He's a big body we can throw in there, and he won't dance after a goal. My kind of guy..."

Hawthorn - Spider will have a blue with Crawf just before the first game after Spider is seen coming out of the toilet at Joel Smiths birthday party with Crawfs hairdresser. Spider however won't quit the club as he will simply revert to the charcoal look.

Melbourne - Travis Johnstone will have much more time in the middle since woey has gone. This will disappoint him however as the peace pipe will never get to him as Neale demands that his boys practice going round via the boundary line, even in their spare time.

North Melbourne - A surprise packet. Will win their first 2 and then get smashed in every game for the rest of the season. Stevens demands to be traded to another team after finding his own wife in bed with him. Go figure.

Port Adelaide - Mark Williams will have complained about the umpires, the ovals, the balls, the oppositions sledging, the afl, iraq, hershelle gibbs, cathy freeman, the fires in canberra, his mother-in-laws cooking and his wife's new haircut. Jackson will have told him to STFU six times in six games.

Richmond - Richo richo whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they come for you. The tiger bigman will finally reveal the source of all his pain and torment - his mother used to cut the crusts off his bread. After this admission and press conference he will average 5 goals a game for the Lakeside Straightjackets in the Ballarat Institutional League.

St Kilda - Thomas will try a new tactic - running an 8 man bench with only 14 blokes on the field. "I'm just trying to eliminate flooding and bring back the big mark" he will announce. St Kilda will be beaten by an average of 45 goals before he decides to play football again. Koshitzke & Reiwohlt will marry and the stork will bring them a daughter in April, which they will name Stewartabelle.

Sydney - Trouble in Sin City with Nick Davis caught taking Zoloft in excess of normal prescriptions. "But i'm so HAPPY in Sydney, aren't i mum" he cries in his defence, sources close to the situation report that his girlfriend & mum are somehow involved. Reports that Warnies mum had advised him to lose weight are totally unfounded.

West Coast - After the third punch up in as many weeks people west have decided enough is enough. Worsfold is sacked and Warrick Capper takes over in his first head coaching role. "I'll schtop them fighting" promises warrick. After his first game, when no-one can understand the Wizards machine-gun like quarter time addresses, and the video of the week befores games seen at training is somehow switched with a Capper Family Home Video worsfold is reinstated. "Bugger it, a fight is better than a feed" is the eagles spokesmans reply when quizzed.

Western Bulldogs - They run out of money. The End.

Hard at it. The Collingwood way.

[THE POSSUM PIES]

ummmm, eeerrrrrr.........where shall I start, bloody marvellous, very well done, we are impressed, are you available for speech writing Cam, keep it up, good stuff!!!


To uphold the magpies name...........

[creedymagpie]

Very good and funny Cam except for one bit-:

COLLINGWOOD LOSING THEIR FIRST 2 MATCHES!!

What are you thinking?

There is no way we will get beaten by Richmond and Carlton!!!!

Collingwood and Tottenham, what a great combination!!!!!!

[Presti35]

"Western Bulldogs - They run out of money. The End."

LMAO!! hahahahaha... classic stuff!

"The Collingwood Magpies are not a football team, they are a way of life."

"THE GAME AIN'T OVER TIL SIMON SAYS"

[MissMagpie_20]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Being the world's Bulldog hater, i LOVE ur prediction Cam

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BROOKE'S TECHNO LYRICS ENCYCLOPAEDIA

[AnthonyC]

Excellent as usual Cam. keep them coming.


Go Pies!

[Cam]

just adding to the sense of drama creedy.. and i hope you get my drift... we lost winnable games last year too... to richmond and carlton... but sh!t my connection was playing up so i couldn't check that we actually play carlton 2nd this year instead of hawthorn

Hard at it. The Collingwood way.