My coworker was inapropreate

Nick - Pie Man · Joined: 04 Aug 2010

This happened today so I'm still upset by this and I can't even sleep now like I do after the work. I only work half-days because I am part-time. Today I was very upset at work in the morning. I had some personel problems and I was being blamed at work for something and I had a headache si it was beiung a hard day and I was sitting at my desk crying by myself but there were other people around. There is a coworker who doesn't sit next to me in my right. His station is diagnol from my station. At a "L" from me. But I can see him when I look at him which I was. I could tell he was been laughing at me and he was smiling. I was furious and then he blew a kiss at me and everyone laughed. I was furious more! I got the shakes and so I went to the boy's room. I think this was harasment and even sexual harasment even though I don't think he is homosexual because I've listened to him talking to other people and I've seen pictures in his desk of a girl. But that doesn't matter to here and this situation was done in anyway.

I went to my boss at his lunch but he didn't take me seriously and I could tell. He is my coworker's boss too, but he didn't want to listen and I got upset and then he started to yell at ME! This was very wrong and other people looked at me. I said I was going to see the President of the Univarsity where I work but he did not care. At least, he said so, but I think the President is going to be mad about this going on. This is unprofesional and totaly inapropreate. It is inapropreate my boss did nothing too. It is harasment at my workplace. I don't know who to talk to after now because I am frustrated and confused and I know I have to sit at my station again tomorow when I go and because everyone is going to be there. How can I work? There is not right. It was embarasing for me in there. I know the cops won't help me.

What do I do? Do I go tell the President of the Univarsity? Do I call a lawyer and su? Is there a case I have? I can't quit and I should and think so, but I need the money now.

Peter Griffin · Joined: 27 Apr 2010

There should be a dispute resolution service available through your uni, if not, approach the Dean. It is, after all, the responsibility of your boss to resolve these disputes and not sweep them under the carpet. Not only for your sake but for the sake of effective team management.

Oh, but I'm thick so nothing I say should have any bearing whatsoever. Good luck!

Tannin · Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 4:58 pm

Next time you are at the office, casually put your hand on your co-worker's knee for a moment, just in a friendly way. Chances are he will get quite a surprise. On the other hand, it's always possible that you are wrong anbout his orientation and then YOU may get a surprise. Life is like that.

Nick - Pie Man · Joined: 04 Aug 2010

I am not a gay! Sad

Peter Griffin · Joined: 27 Apr 2010

And neither is the other guy. It's not sexual harrassment.

Tannin · Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 5:35 pm

Tannin · Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2010 6:01 pm

But seriously now, a hand on your knee isn't always a sexual thing. Far from it. The unwritten rules of appropriate and inappropriate physicality vary from place to place, time to time, and person to person. I am not a very touchy person and, by nature, prefer plenty of interpersonal space in normal (non-intimate) social situations. For example, I hate it when people want to talk to you in a purely business context and they walk right up to you and stand 12-24 inches away. It just makes me uncomfortable. I can't push them away, but that's what my instincts are telling me to do. So I find an excuse to back off ... and nine times out of ten, the bastards follow me! Some people just don't feel comfortable having a conversation unless they are right on top of you. They are completely unaware of this, so far as I can tell. Hell, I've had people follow me around the damn room, all unconscious of their action. It just seems like an ordinary conversation to them - I suppose they are so used to other people walking backwards away from them that they think it's normal! This is where being in your own office is great - you can go and sit behind your desk, and then push your chair back till you feel comfortable. They can't bloody follow you there!

But that's me. We are all different, and culture is a large part of that. Years ago, I used to work with a heap of guys (and some women too) from the Subcontiment. Great people to work with, but they (in general) liked to be closer. Indeed, for these guys it was a perfectly normal, friendly thing to do, if you were having an ordinary chat with a workmate, to put your arm around his shoulder or your hand on his knee. Nothing remotely sexual or intrusive in it, just a different idea of personal space. Simply friendship, nothing else.

To me, of course, it seemed really weird at first, but you quickly get used to these things and before too long think nothing of them. You just adjust your "personal space meter" and forget about it. But some time later - after working with these guys for some months - I started noticing Australian-born friends occasionally backing away from me in mild discomfort. After a moment's thought, I realised that I had become so used to the up-close, easy touching ways of my sub-continental workmates that I had pretty much adopted them myself, all unawares.

Anyway, personal space and touching are a bit like clothing. It really doesn't matter too much what the actual rules are - some communities everybody goes naked and thinks nothing of it, others you don't even take your shirt off in public or wear shorts; some communities you keep a good distance between people unless you are intimates, others you stay close and touch often even with near-strangers; in other communities again you are forced into very close contact (think crowded trains in Tokyo) but there are well-developed rules of conduct to "defuse" that contact and classify the closeness and touching as "non-social".

My point? No point really, just yarning.

PS: Nick,you stirrer, I can't believe that YOU complained to ME about "not knowing when I'm serious or not". Pot, kettle, blacker than a bloody coal miner's fundament.