CARLTON JOKE THREAD

JLC · Posted: Thu Nov 28, 2002 8:34 am

A carlton mate sent me this

A one-eyed blue bagger went into Carlton Social Club on Saturday afternoon to drown his sorrows.

Bagger: Pot of Carlton thanks

Barman: Sorry mate you can have a VB

Bagger: Nah, pot of Kilkenny thanks

Barman: Sorry mate how about a Melbourne

Bagger: Well, what about a pot of Guinness

Barman: Sorry mate

Bagger: How come I can't get a Carlton or a Kilkenny or a Guinness, yet I can get a VB or a Melbourne.

Barman: We've got no draught choices, but you can still get bitter

jlc

Essendon 2000 premiers
2001 runners up
2002 fifth
2003 ????
The slide continues

AnthonyC · Joined: 09 Aug 2002 Location: Melbourne, Victoria

LMAO, JLC.

Go Pies!

Lorelei · Joined: 17 Jul 2000 Location: Ryder Stand/Ponsford Stand

Got this one on email...

What's the difference between the Carlton Football Club and a Closed Door?

A Closed door can still get a draft.

What a great time of year! LOL

Jen

--
Floreat Pica
BRING BACK NED!
"This is a man's world
But it would be nothing
Without a woman or a girl"

Bucks5 · Nicky D - Parting the red sea Joined: 23 Mar 2002

I like this one.....

Q. Where did Carlscum finish in 2002 (which was the only year they didnt blatently cheat by exceeding the salaray cap in the past 5 years)?

A. LAST!!

Ha ha ha..... I know it's not a real joke but it is still hillarious & priceless!

Magpie_Dan · Posted: Thu Nov 28, 2002 4:00 pm

Oh yeah my Main DJ JLC in da house GREAT 1 LOL, you remeber in Adelaide man at the Players bar when me, you and Foxy were raving and singing every single song that was played!

Go The Pies!

Dan

Go The Richo!

UNLEASH THE VL TURBO!

BJ · Posted: Thu Nov 28, 2002 6:52 pm

Ian Collins: " Hey Pago, what are we gonna get in the draft? We have lost our first two picks."

Pagan: "Don't worry Collo my man, I have it all sorted. Instead of getting two 17 year olds, we'll get one 34 year old. Is that value or what? One pick for the price of two."

Collins:" You're a genious Pago, a sheer legend."

And so the Drought began........

BJ

JLC · Posted: Sat Nov 30, 2002 5:56 am

got this one in email today

WHO WANTS TO DROP A MILLION YEAH

Eddie McGuire has offered to help Carlton raise the money, by offering the new Carlton administration a single episode of 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' . I have managed to get a sneak look at the questions......

You are in the Carlton Social Club & you look under the table. What do you find?

(A) Torn up Carlton Membership cards.
(B) Tony Shaw's old set play book with a cross through every page & Wayne Brittain's handwriting.
(C) A brown paper bag with wads of cash & SOS written on it.
(D) Brendon Fevola.

You receive an urgent phone call late at night from one of your players.
Do you

(A) Tell Camporeale to sleep with the light on if he's scared.
(B) Explain to David Allison that Matty Allan has re-signed & it's no good still threatening the club.
(C) Tell Lance Whitnall that the club cannot afford to let him go to Kouta's BBQ.
(D) Get up & post Brendon Fevola's bail.

The future looks very bleak & you wish it was the 80's again. Do you

(A) Talk Steven Kernahan into regrowing his mullet.
(B) Buy up Elders.....like Mick Martyn.
(C) Bring back the Bluebirds but due to costs use old Nissans instead of girls.
(D) Build a new grandstand in your name even though you can't afford it.

Your club is desperately short of money do cut costs & raise funds by

(A) Cashing in all of Brendon Fevola's empty cans.
(B) Claim concession rates by paying for everything on Craig Bradley's Pension Card.
(C) Get Ryan Houlihan to perform his clown act at kids parties as well as on the ground.
(D) Insist Steven Silvagni bring his own brown paper bags.

And finally the million dollar question:

You are sitting in a cafe in Rathdowne Street & John Elliott walks in.
Do you

(A) Compliment his wife on her new perm & then apologise profusely when you discover it is Denis Pagan.
(B) Order two short whites & wait for Hulme & Franchina to arrive.
(C) Pretend you don't know him.
(D) Excuse yourself & leave before he makes you pay the bill.

jlc

Essendon 2000 premiers
2001 runners up
2002 fifth
2003 ????
The slide continues

Pies Premiers 2003 · KEEP SEPTEMBER FREE Joined: 01 Nov 2002 Location: vic

All class JLC.....pure GOLD

THE PIES GO MARCHING ON

Greg J · Posted: Sat Nov 30, 2002 9:35 am

... did you hear that Carlton are going to change their nickname from the Blues to that of an animal...

From 2003 onwards they will be known as the Cheetahs!

Rule 1. Barrack for Collingwood
Rule 2. See rule 1.
Rule 3. There is no rule 3.

CARN DE PIES!
Greg J

Cam · Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2002 6:04 am

Like that JLC.

Hard at it. The Collingwood way.

Black_White · Posted: Sun Dec 01, 2002 9:21 pm

JLC, ....cool!!
Greg J , you win...classic!

-Craig

Cam · Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2002 6:38 am

Got sent this today

A man inherited a little over $1 billion dollars. He had three sons. He
told his sons that since he now had all this money, he would like to know
what each of them would like to have. He stressed that MONEY was no
object.

His first son said that he had always wanted a Jaguar. The father went
out, and since money was no object, bought him 7 Jaguars in different
colours, so that he would have a different one to drive every day of the
week.

His second son said that he always wanted a motorcycle. So the father went
out, and again since money was no object, bought him 30 new motorcycles, 10
dirt bikes, 10 hogs, and 10 touring bikes, so he would have a different
bike to ride every day of the month.

His third and youngest son was only 8 years old. So the little guy said
that he simply wanted a Mickey Mouse outfit. So, money being no object,
his father went out and bought his son the Carlton Football Club

Hard at it. The Collingwood way.

couragous cloke · Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2002 11:57 am

whats the difference between carlton and a trampoline!?

u take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline. hehehehe

footy ROX!

Donny · Posted: Fri Dec 06, 2002 7:37 pm

That's a ripper, Clokey, but Cam's 'Mickey Mouse outfit' cracked me right up !! Many lols.

Donny.
GO THE MIGHTY WOODSMEN !! ALL THE WAY IN 2003 AND BEYOND !!!!

junkboy75 · Joined: 26 May 2001

Sung to the tune of American Pie by Don Mclean

Long long time ago, I can still remember how Fraser Brown made Dean Wallis cry
And I knew if he had the chance, Steven O'Reilly could play defence
And maybe we'd avoid the spoon for a while.
But Demetriou makes me shiver
With every infringement he delivers
Bad news for the Blue set
Long service leave will get us yet
I can't remember if I cried, when Riccardi beat our withered side

But something touched me deep inside
The day our dignity died
So bye bye picks one and two, bye
Can't have Goddard, can't have Salopek, no pick allowed high
Those losers at the Saints will again pick the draft dry
Singing "this will be the day that Jack dies"
Singing "this will be the day that Jack dies"

Do you remember 93
When Jack accused Kevin Sheedy
That the Dons had cheated bad

And the flag was won in 95
When Diesel skinned the Cats alive
Norm Smith and a lazy 5

Well I know we didn't cheat back then
'Coz our Captain was Sticks Kernahan.
He sang for me and youse
We are the Navy Blues

I was a lonely feral Italian drunk
Thought we never be short nine million bucks
But in the end we ran out of luck
The day our draft picks flied

The rest were singing
Bye Bye picks one and two bye
See ya Wells, see ya Goddard, poor old Barb has just cried
Come on down to the Saints, get onto the ride
Coz the Blues have just blatantly lied
The Blues have just blatantly lied

Did you fiddle the books from above
Did you give Hamill a great big shove
Yes the bible* told us so.

Well, Kouta proved he's a great big Queen
And you can say much the same about Peter Dean
With a voice that came from It-al-y

And while old SOS was bending down
Darren Milburn knocked off his girly crown
Do you recall that lovely sound
The day, the Blues fans cried.

And we were laughing ?
Bye Bye to the Blues as a side
Time is fleeting
They're caught cheating
And Lance Whitnall is wide
And Tig-er fans wipe tears of joy from their eyes
Saying 'time to pay for all of those lies'
'Now lets see the same for the Pies.'

I met this bloke who loved the Blues
And I asked him for some footy news
But he just sobbed and turned away

So I went down to old Princes Park
To hang some shit for a bit of a lark
But the fans there admitted Carlton cannot play

And on the street the Demons cheered
The Bombers laughed and the Hawkers leered
Happy words were spoken
Even Saints fans were all jokin'

And the two men that most make me sick
That mongrel Diesel and that dickhead Sticks
They stabbed poor Jack for an easy fix
The day their loyalty died.
So Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Big Jack got stabbed in the back by Sticks
'Cause liars are the Devil's only friends.

And as I watch him on the stage
Muttering somethin' 'bout SOS's wage
No Iti born in Rome
Could run that Telstra Dome

And as the cigarette smoke rose into the day
To hide all evidence of SOS's pay
I saw Satan's presidency blown away
The day Blues' draft picks dried
So why why, Craig and Steve, tell us why
Sold us out to the League, so your arses won't fry
You've screwed up the club, the cheque book has run dry
Mick Martyn is now all we can buy.....

"..we flew at them as a hawk to his prey, passed through them in the disordered state in which they were, separated them into two distinct parts and then tacked upon their largest division.." -- Captain Cuthbert Collingwood, 1797