Collingwood's Proposed Recruiting Policy

[Cam]

(Think 12th Man)

[ring ring]

NB: "Collingwood Football Club, Neil Balme speaking"

TJ: "Hi Balmey its Travis Johnston here, i'd like to get a pies jumper next year. I won't ask for much cash as along as Ed let's me on the footy show as a regular"

NB: "Ah Travvy boy haven't you been reading the paper, we actually are looking for a ruckman, so if we don't get one of the available boys we may have another look at you ok"

TJ: (Disappointed) "Ah come onnn mannnn, pleassssse"

NB: "Nope, see ya later Trav, all the best..[click]"

NB: "Hey Mick that was Trav Bloody Johnston wanting to play for us next year"

MM: "What was he asking?"

NB: "Oh Mick he was cheap, but wanted to get on the Footy Show!"

MM: "WHAT! Did you tell him he was dreamin', and that we are looking for a ruckman?"

NB: "Yeah, then i hung up on him"

MM: "Heh, good one Balmey, he can go back to his riverina rhubarb - hahaha"

NB: "Yeah - like wow wipeout man hahaha"

Later that day...

[Ring Ring]

NB: "Collingwood Football Club, Neil Balme speaking"

KJ: "Hullo Nail its Keen Johnsen hire"

NB: "Who?"

KJ: "Keen Johnsen"

NB: "Keen Johnsen, Keen Johnsen, oh sh!t it must be.. Kane Johnson!!?"

KJ: "That's right"

NB: "Mate you've been in Adelaide too long, your talking strange.. now what do you want?"

KJ: "Weel i though i'd like to pley for the pies nuxt yar"

NB: (Oh Sh!t not another one) "Look Kane, i was just talking to your brother Trav and mate we aint hiring, we are looking for a Ruckman - a RUCKMAN DAMMIT can't you bloody disgruntled coulda-been midefielders go and hassle someone else!"

KJ: "But..."

NB: "No buts, p!ss off and join the kangaroos or tigers. Goodbye! [click]"

MM: "Sh!t Balmey who was that?"

NB: "Another bloody midfielder, Ken Johncockstone from the Crows..."

MM: "I don't believe it, don't they know we're looking for a ruckman!? Some of these blokes are as thick as ants on a dead sparrow!"

Later that day...

[ring, ring]

NB: "Collingwood Football Club, Neil Balme speaking and we are only looking for ruckmen"

BC: "Well um its Bla.. i mean Brett Caracella here.."

NB: "Who?"

BC: "Brett Caracella, Blakes twin brother ruckman type"

NB: "How come i never heard of you then"

BC: "I've been in a coma for 4 years, have come out and wish to resume my promising football career that was going strong in, um, Burnie."

NB: "Right, right, i see, interesting.. how tall are you Brett?"

BC: (Sh!t) "Ah Balmey, i'm about 6'6 in the old language."

NB: "Brett?"

BC: "Yeah?"

NB: "Is Kevin Sheedy's middle name really Myrtle?"

BC: "No thuckin way Balmey its Josie..oops"

NB: "Hah! thought so. P!iss off Blake [click]"

MM: "Don't tell me, Blake "I'm as soft as the softest softserve in summer" Caracella"

NB: "Yup"

MM: "Did you p!ss him off?"

NB: "Yup"

MM: "I wish bloody spider would ring, or even french, things are getting desperate."

NB: "Maybe we could get, (thinks) sh!t um, what about, hey YEAH i got it Mick - Monkey!"

MM: "What do a sheedy-salmon-sandwich and unretire a premiership great??? How olds Monkhorst now anyway?"

NB: "Hafta be younger than Plugger was?"

MM: "Yeah, but even Eddie is younger than Plugger was... Hmmm, ok, i'll sleep on it.."

Next day...

Balmey on the Phone

NB: "So Damian how's about coming back to play in another flag...."




Hard at it. The Collingwood way.

[Mcgoughs_gurl]

i like that i really do its interesting & a laugh

~**Mcgoughs_gurl**~
McGoughs Biggest fan or so i've been told!
jk- i have come to the conclusion that i would like to marry McGough only thing is that i dont think he'd want me dammit! haha

[WhyPhilWhy?]

Priceless Cam - very, very funny.

If I may:

[ring ring]

NB: "Collingwood Football Club, Neil Balme speaking"

RC: "Hi Balmey its Richard Colless here"

[SLAM]

RC: "Hello?? Hello?? Damn, not again......."





"I am disrespectful to scum! Can you see I am serious!"

[Donny]

Bloody good stuff folks. LOL. LOL.

(ring ring)

"Collingwood Football Club, Neil Balme here"

"Er gidday Neil. It's Jason Ackermanis speaking"

NB: "So what's bloody new?"

JA: "I'm lookin for a job".

NB: "Piss off Acker, We've already got a public address system" !!

With respect to Cam.

Donny.



GO THE MIGHTY WOODSMEN !! ALL THE WAY IN 2003 AND BEYOND !!!!

[Brown26]

absolute ripper!!!

Bloody funny stuff Cam!

- Ben

Pies for Premiers 2002, 3, 4, 5, 6....

[wimmey]

Cam, we are amused... very funny

[Cam]

I don't know what i'll do if we don't get a ruckman though. It is a necessity.

Hard at it. The Collingwood way.

[Rowdy]

Great stuff Cam

[CQ]

lol i didnt notice this topic b4, haha top stuff cam!

TARKO TARKO MAN!
I WANT TO BE A TARKO MAN!

[Miss_Lisey_Molloy]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Your a pisser Cam!

Love always, Alyssa xoxo

__________________________________________________
Lisey Molloy! Jarrod Molloy's No.1 Fan!

*~Official Leader Of The Jarrod Molloy Cheersquad~*

*~Alyssa's song of the week~*

[Ian]

Oh now come on Cam, some of us South Aussies do barrack for the Pies so we dont come from the back of Bourke and do also have some modicum of intelligence

[Miss_Lisey_Molloy]

Hahahaha i just proved south australian's are dumb 'cause I didn't pick that up!
Well i tell ya im not a sailsbury north, mocasson wearing, dole bludger hahaha!
Love always, Alyssa xoxo

__________________________________________________
Lisey Molloy! Jarrod Molloy's No.1 Fan!

*~Official Leader Of The Jarrod Molloy Cheersquad~*

*~Alyssa's song of the week~*

[couragous cloke]

stuff cam! and donny! lol lol

footy ROX!

[Cam]

hey ian the keen johnsen thing doesnt imply that SA's are dumb - just that they have a different accent.

castle - cas-sell or cars-ell
mall - mell or maul

that kinda thing


Hard at it. The Collingwood way.

[Ian]

Hey Cam We still think think you Victorians pronounce school as skeul instead of skool - but the magpies wings touch every corner of the nation