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What made me laugh today...

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Jezza Taurus

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Joined: 06 Sep 2010
Location: Ponsford End

PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2019 9:03 pm
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^ England always finds a way to choke in sporting events Laughing
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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2019 9:21 pm
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They've never won a world cup, and went all out to win this one at home, years of planning.

They could still turn it around, but history is seriously against them. Very Happy Laughing

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think positive Libra

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Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Thu Jun 27, 2019 10:16 pm
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lucky its just cricket, crickets not sport, its just shit!!

and dont get me started on that shit scottish tennis player!

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Morrigu Capricorn



Joined: 11 Aug 2001


PostPosted: Wed Jul 17, 2019 10:39 pm
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The bloody collectable crap now reintroduced by them and them!!

Was doing mum's shopping yesterday on the way home from work ( and grabbing a few bits and pieces for us) and trying to keep track of totals ( she is obsessed with paying her way to the cent - drives me mental!!) and make sure the right things were bagged in the right bags and this numpty woman starts prattling at me - "are you collecting" " can I have yours" blah blah blah - at that point had no clues what the f she was on about. Rolling Eyes

Then when I finally caught on ( assisted by the checkout person) I said no there is enough plastic shite in the world and boy did she unleash mainly due to me being so selfish and then got even more hysterical when I started laughing at her!

And again tonight - different place but same nonsense from yet another numpty woman with rugrats in tow! Laughing Laughing

WTF?? Rolling Eyes
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think positive Libra

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Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:05 am
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stui magpie wrote:
They've never won a world cup, and went all out to win this one at home, years of planning.

They could still turn it around, but history is seriously against them. Very Happy Laughing


Uh hmmm!

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think positive Libra

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Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2019 1:06 am
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Morrigu wrote:
The bloody collectable crap now reintroduced by them and them!!

Was doing mum's shopping yesterday on the way home from work ( and grabbing a few bits and pieces for us) and trying to keep track of totals ( she is obsessed with paying her way to the cent - drives me mental!!) and make sure the right things were bagged in the right bags and this numpty woman starts prattling at me - "are you collecting" " can I have yours" blah blah blah - at that point had no clues what the f she was on about. Rolling Eyes

Then when I finally caught on ( assisted by the checkout person) I said no there is enough plastic shite in the world and boy did she unleash mainly due to me being so selfish and then got even more hysterical when I started laughing at her!

And again tonight - different place but same nonsense from yet another numpty woman with rugrats in tow! Laughing Laughing

WTF?? Rolling Eyes


That’s bizarre why do they feel entitled

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David Libra

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Joined: 27 Jul 2003
Location: Andromeda

PostPosted: Thu Jul 18, 2019 7:33 am
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Ah, yes. If only there was a way to sign up for a lifetime agreement that a) no, I do not have a Rewards Card; b) no, I do not want to collect any stickers; amd c) no, I do not ever want to be asked again about either.
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partypie 



Joined: 01 Oct 2010


PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2019 2:24 am
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The staff are made to try and push that junk and get into trouble if they don't. The company employs secret shoppers to check up.
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think positive Libra

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2019 8:15 am
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David wrote:
Ah, yes. If only there was a way to sign up for a lifetime agreement that a) no, I do not have a Rewards Card; b) no, I do not want to collect any stickers; amd c) no, I do not ever want to be asked again about either.


why dont you have a rewards card? flybuys? and the safeway one? i put my points to frequent flyer, and before that i got a free microwave! its still going strong!!

the rest i say no too, but the school stickers i say yes and give them to the most needy school. it costs me nothing.

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Pi Gemini



Joined: 13 Feb 2006
Location: SA

PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2019 8:49 am
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https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/design/laila-laurel-manspreading-chair-a4193106.html

"The two chairs encourage men to sit with their legs closed, and women to sit with their legs open"


Laughing with tears streaming down my face. Laughing imagine the second one as a bar stool in a pub. Laughing

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David Libra

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Joined: 27 Jul 2003
Location: Andromeda

PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2019 11:03 am
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Manspreading: the key gender equality issue of our time. Laughing
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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2019 1:34 pm
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^

Yep. Obviously the number 1 peeve for stupid people.

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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2019 2:02 pm
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I nearly cried laughing when I read this,

Magnesium Citrate is a liquid laxative. https://www.facebook.com/tastelessandoffensive/photos/a.1101320973219608/2726021677416188/?type=3&theater



Quote:
What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...

12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a pussy in front of your older brother's friends.

It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted shit in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.

Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The shit/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.

Is that blood?

False alarm.

That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your asshole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid shit fart as it gurgled out of your ass.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have shit out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your asshole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.

You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.

You meet Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.

You're broken.

Your asshole's broken.

Your spirit's broken.

Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a shit stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.

-unknown

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think positive Libra

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Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere

PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2019 3:06 pm
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stui magpie wrote:
^

Yep. Obviously the number 1 peeve for stupid people.


i dont know anyone its the no 1 peeve for, but unless youve experienced it you cant imagine how annoying it can be. we had an over sized oaf next to us at the footy for a while, i switched with junior and did some spreading myself! he soon got the message. and yes, even thinner men who fit in a chair properly seem to think they have more right to my space than i do! they dont get it mind you, i push back! its $£$%^%%$ annoying, i paid just the same for my space as they did! in fact more than that tool, it wasnt even his reserved seat!

selfish people, like my ex neighbours mum, who insisted on having her oversized bag on the seat, when the church was packed! just bad manners.

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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Fri Jul 19, 2019 4:00 pm
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At the footy my reserved seat is an aisle seat so I can stick one leg out no dramas.

On a train, I always grab an aisle seat and do the same. If I sit with my legs together in front of my only a primary school child would fit opposite, the seats are too close together

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