The White Ants Guide to all of Collingwoods Problems.

[neil]

Having read many of the postings this year about how bad Collingwood is and how every problem is Mick Malthouse's fault I have come up with a guide for these posters that will mean they have no need to post anything on Nicks for the foreseeable future.

Argue for trading J. Fraser
Wood is the number one ruckman as he was able to play finals football while Fraser wasn't. Condemn MM for not playing Wood every match this year.
Sack Fraser because his body has been wrecked by years of playing as the only ruckman and he cannot play a whole season without a second ruckman as support. Point out Fraser is a an average ruckman and was a number one draft pick. Other teams will want Fraser so we can get a good trade for him.
Playing Wood all season without support could lead to a late season injury so another ruckman will be needed. With the traded draft pick for Fraser we can recruit an experienced ruckman to help Wood.

Sack MM and Eddie.

Big Bodies Needed
Compare 20 year old players bodies to 29 year old players bodies and show that this is a failure of the club. Mention club facilities are state of the art and the development and conditioning coaches should be sacked along with MM. Insist that all players spend time in the gym as this is an innovative idea that would not occur to the club while MM is running the place. Blame MM for young players failing to develop the body sizes of players who have done seven or eight additional pre seasons. Under no circumstances are our 21 year olds to be compared to other clubs 21 year olds as this is not relevant only comparisons to 29 year olds.

Collinwood needs to get players by trading/Does not try/sits on arse doing nothing.

Collingwood has not attempted to get any big name recruits and should try everything including throwing the kitchen sink at Player (insert name of out of contract well known player here). That few big name players leave their club is proof that MM and Eddie are not trying. Refuse to explain how such a player can be recruited or the cost. Suggest players like Cook and Stanley are players (while not good enough for the pies) that other clubs are eager to trade first round draft picks and players for. Point to this as proof that MM is deliberately sabotaging the sides chances for success and demand his immediate sacking. Remember any big name player can be recruited cheaply as no other club is willing to offer deals this good especially lower order clubs with valuable draft picks. No player actually wants to go to any other club, they all want to come to Collingwood, they are forced to go to other clubs by the failure of the Collingwood recruiting group. The solution is simple sack MM.

Ignore that N. Buckley, A. Rocca, S. O'Bree, S. Wakelin, J. Clement, P. Licuria, B. Holland, P. Medhurst, B. Caracella, S. Woewodin and L. Brown have all been recruited from other clubs only mention C. Morrison as proof of the failure to recuit. A. Corrie can also be mentioned. Express sadness that some supporters wear rose coloured glasses and so cannot see the failure to trade.

Search newspapers, bigfooty and listen to SEN for rumours linking any player to Collingwood if they don't eventuate present this as proof of the failure of the administration. Point out there is no smoke without fire.


No Favourtism
MM plays favourites and should be replaced and those players sacked.
Players should only be selected on ability and performance not because they are MM's lovechild. Also players like N. Brown, C. Dawes and B. Reid need to be played every week to get games into them.

Injuries

These are always the coaching/medical staffs fault point out MM is head coach. Properly trained and conditioned players should not get injured and depth should cover any injured players. Therefore any loses due to injuries are MM's fault.

Sack/Trade players

List a number of senior players eg Johnston, Lockyer or O'Bree to be sacked there is no requirement to provide logical arguments about each player.
Sack/trade players who while in side will not help us win premierships. Note definition of will not help us is any player you do not like. Point out that these players have stopped young players from getting senior experience.
Call for the club to use the trade period to recruit experienced players to cover the lack of depth. Blame lack of depth on MM.

Sack MM and Eddie
Repeat again and again

The Draft
Point to all the players Collingwood did not draft, ignore draft rules, priority picks and the fact that other clubs also have talented and experienced recruiting teams. Point to Liam Jarrah not being drafted ignore the fact that Melbourne had a draft pick before Collingwood and instead blame our recruiting team.
As soon as trade week is over raise questions about the recruits and suggest other teams have done far better. Claim that the recruits local league/a mate/other clubs think they are over-rated, soft, outside receivers and this is why other clubs did not pick them (look at some of the posts about D. Beams as an example). Blame MM and Eddie for this.

Game plan

State that a defensive game that depends on playing the boundaries, tackling, forward pressure, team work and discipline will not win a premiership. If the 2009 GF is mentioned state while MM is coach there is no chance of winning. Point to a lack of flexiblity and illustrate with examples where MM waited till the second quarter before making changes.
State that the lack of a plan B and C has cost games. Condemn all those time MM made changes to the team and its tactics and how they have confused players, emphasise how this has denied experience to the dropped (young) players. If the player dropped was a senior player point out how the lack of experienced players could have cost the team a match.

Provide a new game plan; Man on man and go straight down the guts (after all it works in under 12 football teams) and when the ball hits the ground demand three Collingwood players for every one opposition player be near the ball.


Sack MM and Eddie
This is self-evident and no further arguments are needed.

[magman29]

Ha Ha... this about covers it... nice one

[stui magpie]

That's got it covered. 70% of the threads that will be started between now and round 1 can simply be referred back to the OP in this thread.

[5150]

Thanks neil.

This thread needs to be stickied!

[rhyce is love]

Haha. Good stuff!!

[John Wren]

sq3 will be disappointed becaase there is no mention of our lack of skills.

i would also like a section on buckley leading us to the promised land.

mediocre, 5/10.

[tomoleary]

Neil you're impatient and seem to have a short memory.

[rocketronnie]

[bwphantom]

The only WHITE ANTS are people like yourself that whinge and complain after we finish in the top 4.

FFS some of you need to grow up!

oops my bad...tis a parody

maybe some emoticons here and there may point towards the fact.

I agree with all said in fact add in the absoluteness to whinging like little babies when we win or lose.

[Akos]

haha top post, neil!

posts like this help keep me sane

[Tannin]

Post of the year!

[magpie1946]

Good read. One of my favs is .... "another wasted year"

[understudy]

Disappointing to see people label anyone who believes change is required at Collingwood a 'white ant'.

Everyone's entititled to their view and opinion without being personally abused for it imho.

We are all Collingwood people, throwing these sorts of terms towards each isn't necessary !

[rambopriscilla]

Wow there are certainly a few posters who now have nothing new to add. This has covered probably 80% of posts made after a loss or week off, imagine the bandwidth saving it has made. Good post.

[Monco Matt]

Maybe the Nick's Bulletin Board General Discussion forum needs to be split into 2 sub-forums.

The first forum is where only POSITIVE threads and posts are to be made for those people who want to live in happy land believing all is ok and next year will be different and all our players are wonderful and MM is fantastic etc.

The second forum can be only for those NEGATIVE threads and posts for people who want to talk about how crap the players are, sack MM, overthrow the board etc.

Otherwise Nick's will continue to implode, continue to argue amongst itself, continue to overreact and also continue to entertain sarcastic threads such as this one. It is the only answer really. If not, then we'll just continue with the status quo!