Jokes Jokes and More Jokes

[think positive]

[Culprit]

As we cuddled in bed my Mrs asked me to whisper dirty things in her ear.
I leaned over, "Laundry, Kitchen, Dining Room".


I was sitting watching TV and she asked me"What's that on the TV"?
I replied, "Dust".

[stui magpie]

^

is that a typo? Did you mean to write 'EX mrs" or am I just predicting the future again.

[David]

This thread is pretty much my main source of jokes at the moment. My girlfriend seems to find most of them funny. Keep up the good work, Culprit!

[Culprit]

Laying in bed with the Mrs last night and we discussed dying and funerals, I said, When I die, i'd like to die having sex". She replied, "At least we know it'll be quick".

[think positive]

Oooohhhhh harsh!!!




Years ago, true story, discussing super/life insurance "if I die you get x amount" me "what do you get if I die?" Hubby: "peace and quiet!"

[Culprit]

haha hmmm How true

[luvdids]

saw this on FB -


I think I have a drinking problem.

My husband asked me to toast bread.

I raised my glass & said 'here's to bread'


Made me lol

[stui magpie]

[stui magpie]

Couple of religonist jokes

Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?
A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

Q: Do you know what the secret of an islamic marriage is?
A: The man get's to see a striptease every night.

And this one might get a reaction.

Three Buttons and Donald Trump
Shortly after his inauguration as 45th President of the United States Donald Trump announces that he is going to re-negotiate Obama's horrible deal with Iran. So he goes to a meeting in Tehran with Hassan Rouhani, the President of Iran.

They were in a room sitting in two chairs and it was only the two of them. As they start talking Trump notices three buttons on Rouhani's chair. So they go on talking and Rouhani pushes the first button and a bottle comes down and hits the Donald on his head. Trump gets a little mad but goes on with the negotiation.

A bit later Rouhani pushes the second button and a shoe comes out and kicks Trump in the shin. Trump is beginning to get steamed but nonetheless goes on.

Five minutes more and the third button is pushed - another boot comes out and kicks Trump in the nuts. Now Trump gets really mad and says, "I'm going back to America, we will settle this in two weeks in America."

Two weeks go by and President Trump and Rouhani meet in the Oval Office in the White House. Rouhani notices 3 little buttons on Trump's chair. He gets prepared. Minutes go by and they aren't really getting anywhere with their negotiation. Trump pushes the first button. Rouhani ducks but nothing happens.

They go on and Trump pushes the second button. Rouhani jumps again but nothing happens. He gets a bit scared but continues with the talks.

Finally Trump pushes the third button and Rouhani jumps once more. But again nothing happens. The strain on Rouhani is too much and so he says, "I'm going back to Iran."

Trump laughs and scratches his head, "Iran? What Iran?"

[David]

^ What's disturbing is that that last joke was probably written by a Trump supporter. Goes to show some of the mentality out there!

[think positive]

But it was funny! The other two not so much!

[HAL]

lol was funny? I Interesting.

[David]

[think positive]