 |
|
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
stui magpie 
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
|
| Post subject: |  |
|
| Pies4shaw wrote: | | What do you call 500 lawyers in a boat sinking in Bass Strait without life rafts, buoys or survival gear? |
a) a damn good start
b) waste of a good boat
c) Poor crew
d) all of the above
?????? 
_________________
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
|
|
|
 |
Pies4shaw 
pies4shaw
Joined: 08 Oct 2007
|
| Post subject: | |
|
| The house pays out on "(a)". |
|
|
|
|
stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
|
| Post subject: | |
|
Stolen from Jimmy Carr.
Q. What do you get if you cross Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip?
A. Killed in a tunnel.
_________________
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
|
|
|
|
HAL
Please don't shout at me - I can't help it.
Joined: 17 Mar 2003
|
| Post subject: | |
|
| Try to tell me that another way. |
|
|
|
|
stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
|
| Post subject: | |
|
Another Jimmy Carr one.
Never try to high 5 a Rabii.
_________________
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
|
|
|
|
think positive 
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere
|
| Post subject: | |
|
| stui magpie wrote: | Stolen from Jimmy Carr.
Q. What do you get if you cross Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip?
A. Killed in a tunnel. |
too soon 
_________________
You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
|
|
|
|
David
I dare you to try
Joined: 27 Jul 2003
Location: Andromeda
|
| Post subject: | |
|
Too good!
_________________
All watched over by machines of loving grace |
|
|
|
|
stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
|
| Post subject: | |
|
filched from Facebook.
| Quote: | Copper Wire & Communication
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times said: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British".
One week later, Australia 's Northern Territory Times reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Tennant Creek , Northern Territory , Knackers Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely bugger-all. Knackers has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless."
...Makes ya feel bloody proud to be Australian! |
_________________
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
|
|
|
|
think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere
|
| Post subject: | |
|
young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the Centrelink
to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage
of the system, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and
bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2015 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say
but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as thedaughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said,"You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well...
You started it." .....
_________________
You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
|
|
|
|
stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
|
| Post subject: | |
|
^
LOL, I thought of putting that here when I read it. 
_________________
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
|
|
|
|
Member 7167
"What Good Fortune For Governments That The People Do Not Think" - Adolf Hitler.
Joined: 18 Dec 2008
Location: The Collibran Hideout
|
| Post subject: | |
|
| think positive wrote: | | stui magpie wrote: | two women were riding bicycles together through their home suburb.
As they go around a corner the first woman says to the other 'I've never come this way before"
The 2nd woman replies, "Neither have I. Must be the cobblestones" |
I've been on the wrong track |
Could be the wrong seat.
_________________
Now Retired - Every Day Is A Saturday |
|
|
|
|
think positive
Side By Side
Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Location: somewhere
|
| Post subject: | |
|
Hehehe
_________________
You cant fix stupid, turns out you cant quarantine it either! |
|
|
|
|
5150 
Joined: 31 Aug 2005
|
| Post subject: | |
|
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Christopher Walken😡 |
|
|
|
|
stui magpie
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.
Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto
|
| Post subject: | |
|
Dave Allen joke.
The pope is having a discussion with an atheist. It goes for quite a long time until things get heated and the Pope yells at the athiest, "You won't understand, you're like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there".
"Really?" says the atheist, "Then I think we have a lot in common. Because I too think you're like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there".
"Except, you found it"
_________________
Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down. |
|
|
|
|
Morrigu 
Joined: 11 Aug 2001
|
| Post subject: | |
|
Dunno if this one has already been done??
A man tells his wife that he is going out to buy ciga-rettes. When he gets the store, he finds out its closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine.
While there, he has a few beers and starts talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beers and the next thing he knows he's in the girls apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he knows it was 3:00 am.
"Oh my god my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick, give me some talcum powder!"
She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he gets home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"
He says, " well, to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde, and slept with her."
"Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.
"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"
_________________
“The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum
|
|
The Rules
FAQ
Usergroups
Calendar
Search
Log in
Register
