Jokes Jokes and More Jokes

Lazza · Joined: 04 Feb 2003 Location: Bendigo, Victoria, Australia

Abbott talking to Obama today.................(Parody)

Abbott: "Mr. President, I was in Canadia last week and the call themselves Canadians. I have been informed that there is a country called Cyprus. Its citizens are called Cypriots; if we change the name of my country Australia which I'm representing to 'Idi' our citizens would be called... Idiots".

Obama: "Yes, I can see that!"

Lazza · Joined: 04 Feb 2003 Location: Bendigo, Victoria, Australia

A story goes that a shark was asked why rabid right wingers were his preferred food. He replied "because their brains being small are a tasty morsel, their spines being supple I can chew on them at leisure - and they come delightfully marinaded in alcohol."..... Razz

stui magpie · Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2014 8:09 pm

stui magpie · Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 12:57 pm

Jimmy Savile jokes.

Apparently Jimmy Savile was asked to stop attending church several years before he died. The priests used to fight each other over who's turn it was to hear his confession.

What's the difference between Jimmy Savile and a greyhound? the greyhound waits for the hare to appear.

jimmy savile's last request was that after his death his ashes were to be put in an etch-a-sketch so that kids can still fiddle with his knob!

News flash: scores of dyslexic parents have just beaten up Jimmy Sommerville.

I see Jimmy Savile's family have removed his headstone, along with all the flowers growing alongside, out of respect to his victims. So, that just leaves a small hole with no bush around it - just what Jimmy would have wanted!

The Vatican has revealed that Jimmy Savile was only two rapes away from getting his own parish

They have just found Jimmy Savile's diary. His last entry was about 10 years old.

My wife asked me to take her to the bedroom and make her feel young again. She wasn't impressed with the white wig and cigar.

What do you get if you're accused of rape and child abuse when you die?Away with it.

What's the difference between a brothel and a special school? Nothing, if you're Jimmy Savile.

What's the difference between Jimmy Savile and Mohammed?
One spoke a load of bollocks, thought he was very special and molested children and the other......
Oh hang on a second......

David · I dare you to try Joined: 27 Jul 2003 Location: Andromeda

Black humour is alive and well. Shocked

think positive · Side By Side Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere

how many carlton players does it take to change a light bulb?

doesn't matter, they cant climb the ladder

Tannin · Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 6:21 pm

^ like

stui magpie · Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 7:36 pm

In more news in Britain a 13 year old girl was raped by a well known public figure in what the BBC likes to refer to as "work experience"

Following Jimmy Savile and Rolf Harris, the BBC has been stunned with allegations that yet another star was involved in sex abuse. Basil Brush has lodged a writ claiming to have been anally fisted on a daily basis for decades while at work.

Lazza · Joined: 04 Feb 2003 Location: Bendigo, Victoria, Australia

Skippy the bush kangaroo has come forward today after years of silence......

She say's not only did Rolf Harris tie her down but the dirty bastard went on to sing about it ! Laughing

Culprit · Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Location: Port Melbourne

I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night.

They were called "Bomb Jovi".

They were brilliant.

Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down.

Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD.

I was interested so I asked him, "Can you burn me a copy?"

Well that was when the trouble started�!

think positive · Side By Side Joined: 30 Jun 2005 Location: somewhere

Hahahahaha! Love it

Culprit · Joined: 06 Feb 2003 Location: Port Melbourne

Skippy the bush kangaroo has come forward today after years of silence.
She say's not only did Rolf Harris tie her down but the dirty bastard went
on to sing about it !

Tannin · Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2014 10:54 am

Q: Why don't blind people sky dive?

A: It scares the crap out of the dog.

stui magpie · Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2014 7:28 pm

A ventriloquist touring Victoria, walks into a small village in Gippsland and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. Lets call the local, for want of a better name, Swoop.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the local "G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?"

Swoop: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid townie."

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Doin' all right."

Swoop: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this bloke your owner?" (pointing at the local)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."

Swoop: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Swoop: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Swoop: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the local)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."

Swoop: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your Goat?"

Swoop: (in a panic) "The goat's a liar!!" :