"SHAWRY II"

[Sly]

Silvester Iolo LeKoupa Presents...

A Silk Feature...

A Silkwork Production...


FADE IN:

CNN NEWSCASTER
And in the World of Sport today, many were bemused when the former Soviet Empire announced that they would purchase, finance and host an Australian Rules Football Team. The Soviet Kangaroos, as the new merged entity will be called, will play eleven home games across the expanse of the former Soviet Empire. The Russian Premier, who instigated the venture, is hoping that the Kangaroos will help the ailing economy of Russia and their allies…


DISSOLVE TO:

PRESS CONFERENCE

The new Coach, OLEG DUBYENKIN, and WAYNE CAREY stand in front of a mass of microphones at a press conference.

CAREY
Sure, I’m surprised, but if it’ll help the Kangaroos survive, I’m all for it.

REPORTER
And what’ll be the tactics of the Soviet-driven Kangaroos?

COACH DUBYENKIN
(in a harsh guttural accent)
We will play to win every game, every accolade, every championship.


[cue Rocky music]


SHAWRY II



EXT. MCG BOUNDARY-LINE – NIGHT

ANTHONY HUDSON reports from the boundary-line. IN THE BACKGROUND, we see the Kangaroos demolishing Carlton in the Pre-Season Grand Final, many of the Kangaroo players looking ominously if not impossibly bigger. Their muscles are so huge they almost look malformed. SEVERAL PLAYERS are being carted-off on stretchers, and others lay on the ground, writhing in agony and waiting to be attended.

HUDSON
It’s a war-zone down here! Seven Carlton players have been carted-off and,
(turns around and makes a quick head-count of the injured)
another five are awaiting serious medical attention. I’ve never seen a game so bloody and violent!


NIGHT PREMIERSHIP PRESENTATION

Coach Dubyenkin and Carey are receiving the Premiership Trophy from Eddie McGuire. Around them, over eleven Ambulances, their sirens flashing, are just leaving, bizarrely making their way by driving through the CROWD. The crowd themselves are enraged and showering the Kangaroos in trash.

MCGUIRE
Coach Dubyenkin, how do you feel about the way the Kangaroos handled Carlton? How, indeed, do you feel about Carlton?

DUBYENKIN
If they die, they die.


VOICEOVER
Some times, Fate decides it has one more task for you.


EXT. KANGAROOS’ LOCKER-ROOM

An OLYMPIC DRUG OFFICIAL is being interview by Anthony Hudson.

OFFICIAL
To be honest, I haven’t seen a set of urine-tests so clean since I checked the Chinese Women’s Swim Teams for narcotic abuse.

HUDSON
So you’re satisfied that the Kangaroos haven’t been assisted by any foreign chemical substance in their physical development?

OFFICIAL
Perfectly satisfied. Now excuse me, I have to go shop for a boat.


VOICEOVER
Some times, Destiny hasn’t finished calling.


EXT. KREMLIN SQUARE – DAY

The RUSSIAN PREMIER stands on a terrace overlooking THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS PEOPLE packed in the Square beneath him.

RUSSIAN PREMIER (SUBTITLED)
We have crushed Carlton. We have won our first Premiership Trophy. Now we will make a mockery of the Australian Football League by crushing their Champion Essendon! First Essendon, then the World!

The thousands of people begin to cheer ecstatically.


EXT. COLONIAL STADIUM-OVAL – DAY

The Kangaroos are playing the Brisbane Lions. There’s only TWO BRISBANE PLAYERS left standing – the remainder are laying on the ground, some thrashing in agony, some completely still and unconscious and others a bloody, battered mess. The packed-house CROWD are throwing rubbish at the Kangaroos’ players, who run around obliviously and with an air of condescending superiority and arrogance.


VOICEOVER
Some times, villains don’t dress in Black, but in royal-blue and white stripes.


INT. AFL HEADQUARTERS-COMMISSIONER’S OFFICE

The COMMISSION are seated at a table. JACKSON sits at its head, but at the opposite side sits TONY SHAW.

COMMISSIONER JACKSON
Tony, we need you! We need you to coach Essendon to a success over the Soviet Kangaroos! Somebody’s got to put a stop to them before it’s too late!


VOICEOVER
And some times, just some time, heroes are made of the most unlikely men.


PRESS CONFERENCE

Coach Oleg Dubyenkin and Tony Shaw sit in front of a Press Conference.

COACH DUBYENKIN
We will accept the challenge from the Essendon Football Club and the imperialist Tony Shaw, but as you cannot guarantee security, the game will be played in Russia.

REPORTER QUESTION
Shawry, is this true?

Shaw NODS solemnly.

REPORTER QUESTION
And what’s the game for? Is it for Home & Away points? Is it some sort of Final? What’re you playing for?

SHAW
Pride. We’re playing for pride.


EXT. SOVIET OVAL-BOUNDARY LINE – DAY

McGuire stands on the boundary-line, holding a microphone to his mouth with one hand and covering his ear with the other. The Oval is PACKED – there are HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS people tightly-crowded in together, all SINGING the Soviet Kangaroos Anthem. Faint snow drifts across the ground and there’s a bitter cold wind which is approaching a gale.

MCGUIRE
(has to shout to be heard)
This is the most hostile reception I’ve ever encountered! Conditions are deteriorating to sub-zero temperatures and we’re anticipating a storm later! This is, I think, what Hell looks like when it freezes over!

EXT. SOVIET OVAL – LATER

The game in progress, the Kangaroos cleaning-up any Essendon players who get in their far. It looks like a bloody riot.


VOICEOVER
And when there’s nothing left, there are no reserves, some times, you just have to reach a little deeper.


INT. ESSENDON LOCKER-ROOMS

Shaw’s zealously addressing his charges.

SHAW
You’ve gotta go out there, and when you think you’ve given me all you’ve got, you’ve gotta give me some more! You’ve gotta reach into the deep, dark places of your soul and find the strength to go out there for one more half and have a damn dip!


EXT. SOVIET OVAL-BOUNDRY LINE – SECOND HALF

Again, McGuire stands on the boundary-line as the Kangaroos and Essendon Teams begin to take position for the second-half.

MCGUIRE
Shawry’s certainly pulled the moves for this second-half – Lloyd and Lucas to Half-back Flanks, Captain Ricky Oh! To full-back, Fletcher and Bewick to the Wings, Rioli to Center-Half Forward, and Misiti and Mercuri to Forward-pockets! But still, I can’t see who’s moving into the ruck.

VOICEOVER
And when even that’s not enough…

Just behind McGuire, Shaw emerges from the Essendon Players-race to the derision of the crowd. He’s attired in Essendon footy-gear, and he jogs to the center. McGuire goes off his head with fervor.

MCGUIRE
It’s Shawry! It’s Shawry! Shawry’s taking the center-bounces!


EXT. SOVIET OVAL – LATER

Shaw’s preparing to go up in the Ruck against his Kangaroos’ opponent.

VOICEOVER
An Evil Empire reformed, a Team seeking dominion, and only one man has the courage to stand in their path.

The UMPIRE bounces the ball and Shaw and his opponent go up for it.

FREEZE FRAME

VOICEOVER:
"SHAWRY II" - Coming Soon to a Cinema near you.



S.
The Last Remaining Bad Guy.
The Incandescent One.

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