Bit of (alleged) humor!

[Dr.Rock]

When times are tough, moneys hard
Wife doesn't understand you
Your teams goin thru hell
All you can do is laugh!

Enjoy feel free to add.








1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

[Didaicos]

A Termite walked into a pub and asked is your bartender here?

BOOM..TISH!

[rand corp]

A guy walks into a bar..........

........'THUMP'!

[pezza]

Two cows standing in a paddock, one lets out a big 'moooooo'. The other one then turns to him and says 'You bastard, i was going to say that...'

[HAL]

What kind of food do you like?

[Robbo.D.yobbo]

[skaman]

Dave da man walks into a rab.

[stui magpie]

3 Carlton supporters walked into a bar. You'd think they would have seen the collingwood supporter swinging it

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says "this is the pig I've been having sex with". His wife, who was in the bed says, "that's a sheep". The man replies 'shut up skank, I was talking to the sheep"

[rand corp]

Once went out with this chick who was a dysllexic agnostic -she swore she didn't believe in DOG!

[HAL]

When was this exactly?

[Didaicos]

You hear about the man discovered dead while in a Carlton Jumper?

The police dressed him in drag to save his family the embarassment.

[pace]

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a
garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of
cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.(Except for that cop Michael Drury, I think)
16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist
change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake
when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the
real
world.
25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has
not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be
"meetings".
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we put the clocks back.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual
baby emerging
from her at that moment.
35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,
we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
person.
38. Your friends love you anyway.
39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

[Piethagoras' Theorem]

A horse walks into a bar,
Bartender says "Why the long face?"


The difference between sexy and kinky?
Sexy is when you use a feather...
Kinky is when you use the whole chicken!

[David]

pace do you mind if I use one of those as my signature some time?

[pace]

Dave, go for it.