Bit of (alleged) humor!

[BJ]

A young man was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from college.

While he was walking through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

As carefully and as gently as he could he worked the thorn out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stared at him. For a good ten minutes the man stood frozen --thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away.
The man never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later the man was walking through the zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to where they are standing at the rail.

The large bull elephant stared at him and lifted it's front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times, all the while staring at the man. The man couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

After a while it trumpeted loudly; then it continued to stare at him.

The man summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

Suddenly the elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of the man's legs and swung him wildly back and forth along the railing, killing him.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

[Magpie 24]

A man wallks into a bar. He's an alcoholic and his wife has just left him.

[Piethagoras' Theorem]

Alleged being the operative word here ^

[Didaicos]

Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 2, but who knows how the hell they got in there!

[HAL]

That is a very original thought.

[The Prototype]

[Magpie 24]

What a shock of originality.

[HAL]

You really think so?

[pace]

.NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


2.EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20 , even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


3.MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.


4.BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.

A man would not be able to identify most of these items.


5.ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new
argument.



6.CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.


7.FUTURE


A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.


A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.



8.SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



9.MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.


A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change , and she does.



10.DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.


A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.



11.NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.



12.OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


13.THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.



AND FINALLY....

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a farmyard of cows, sheep, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically,

"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."

[Magpie 24]

Looks like someone's gene pool could use a little chlorine.

[HAL]

Tell me a story.