FuNnY.........

[Danzy Rocks!!!]

love 'em ... gonna have great fun ova the next few dayz!

Go Danny!

[junkboy75]

no mercy.....sing to Bohemian Rhapsody

Richo Rhapsody

Is this the real life, or Richmond fantasy?
Watching the Tiges slide
No escape from mediocrity
Opened my eyes, got carved to the right, you see
I'm just a poor Tige, I get no sympathy
Because since Danny's come, it's time to go
Don't know why, but I’m so slow
Anyway the game goes, doesn't really matter to me
To me.

Richo, just missed a goal
Got a gun against my head
Pull the trigger, I'll be dead
Richo, the season’s just begun
But now they’ve gone and thrown it all away

Richo, oooooh
Didn't mean to make them cry
But he won’t be in for training this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on
Because I no longer matter

No pace, my time has come
I'm playing without spine
My knee's aching all the time
Goodbye Tiger Army, I've got to go
Gotta leave you twats behind and face the truth

Richo, oooooh (Richo let the Tiges down)
I don't wanna die
But the whole world wishes I'd never been born at all

I see a little silhouetto of a Tige
Scarred face, beer gut and a dodgy moustache, oh
Bombers’ bolt of lightning
Libba's fist is frightening me
Knighter's diving (Knighter's diving)
Knighter's diving (Knighter's diving)
Knighter's diving, oh no!
(Magnifico)
I'm just a poor Tige, nobody loves me
(He's just a poor Tige, no personality
Don't spare his life, he's a monstrosity)

Frawley's come, time to go
Will he let me go?
Oh Richo no, I will not let you go
Let me go (I will not let you go)
Let me go (I will not let you go) etc
(I will never ever let you go, no no no no no)
Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go
Wayne Campbell is the devil who's inside of me

So you inject me with steroids and laugh when I cry
You all used to love me, now leave me to die
Oh, Richo, can't do this to me Richo
I gotta get out, just gotta get right our of here

I don't really matter, since that injury
I don't really matter, I don't really matter, you see
(Richo, let the Tiges down)

 

"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[junkboy75]

here's one for the Dee fans.....sing to American Pie
(actually, I quite like Joe Gutnik)

A long long time ago
I can still remember
When the Demons had no cash to spend
And I knew that though they had no chance
A white knight came, they were entranced
And the Dee fans would be happy for a while

But the Board, they made me shiver
With the media leaks they delivered
Bad news was the downside
Another internal divide
And I can't remember if I cried
When I read about Ron Walker’s try
But something touched me deep inside
The day the Demons died

So Bye Bye Joe Gutnick goodbye
You’ve stuffed it up at Melbourne cos your money’s run dry
The Board of Directors were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day the Dees died
This'll be the day the Dees died

Do you read The Sunday Age?
And do you have faith in Guest and Hayes?
'Cos Ian Johnson tells you so
Oh do you believe in Stockdale – no!
And will his brows ever stop to grow?
And can you tell him that he looks real slow?

Oh who’s that stupid blon-die
And a twat named Gabriel Szondy
They both had lots of tact
But they stabbed Joe in the back

I was a lonely teenage Demon fan
With a Chardonnay bottle and a Volvo - tan
But I wished I was a Collingwood fan
The day the Demons died

So Bye Bye Joe Gutnick goodbye
You’ve stuffed it up at Melbourne cos your money’s run dry
The Board of Directors were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day the Dees died
This'll be the day the Dees died

The coffer’s dry for the poor old Dees
And the money’s blown off in the breeze
With 3 million dollars spent away
I went down to the Demon’s store
Where I'd bought my guersey years before
But the man said the Demons couldn't score

And in the streets the poets dreamed
The Magpies laughed while the Demons screamed
But not a word was spoke
The phone boxes they were all broke
And the Five who put them in the red
Johnson, Guest, Al, Bev and Gabe
They plotted hard, didn’t go to bed
The day the Demons died

So Bye Bye Joe Gutnick goodbye
You’ve stuffed it up at Melbourne cos your money’s run dry
The Board of Directors they were drinking whisky and rye
Singing this'll be the day the Dees died
This'll be the day the Dees died



"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[junkboy75]

There's a Richmond fan, a Collingwood fan and a Hawthorn fan that all just broke out of jail. They went to hide out in an old animal warehouse. The Collingwood fan and Hawthorn fan each hid in a box and the Richmond fan hid in a bag. The Police walked in and knocked on the Collingwood fan’s box and the fan replied MOO!
The police said..Oh, it's just a cow.
After knocking on the Hawthorn fan’s box the fan replied OINK, OINK!
The police said...Oh; it's just a pig.
The police shook the bag and the Richmond fan said POTATOES!

A Richmond supporter and a Collingwood supporter were watching the news on TV. There was a film story about a girl on the ledge of a building threatening to commit suicide. The police were trying to talk her down when the Collingwood supporter says to the Richmond supporter,
"I'll bet you five bucks that she jumps."
The Richmond supporter took the bet. Seconds later, the girl jumps. The Richmond supporter takes five dollars from his pocket and hands it to the Collingwood supporter.
The Collingwood supporter says, "I can't take your money. I saw the same film clip on the 6:00 news today and knew she was going to jump."
The Richmond supporter says, "I watched it, too; but I didn't think she'd do it a second time."

Apparently someone broke into the Punt Road trophy room and stole everything there. Police are seeking a man carrying a rolled up yellow and black carpet.

An extremely clever professor is unhappy, because his IQ of 196 means that he just can't relate to the average person. He invents a machine to reduce brain capacity, and asks a friend (IQ of only 172) if he would come round and help him out. They set the machine up, wire it to the professor's temples, and they're ready to go.
"Remember to switch the machine off when the monitor reads 150", says the professor
His friend starts the machine, and the readout starts to fall, to the tune of loud beeps at each change of IQ - 196, 195,194 etc. The doorbell rings downstairs and the friend goes to answer the door. After 15 minutes with some 'Jehovah’s Witnesses' and $5 for some crappy magazine, he closes the door. As he makes his way upstairs, he hears the beeps and he is horror struck. He runs upstairs, bursts in through the door and sees the monitor - 9, 8, 7, 6...he dives for the machine and switches it off. The monitor reads 4. He disconnects the professor from the equipment. The professor looks through him blankly. He can't believe what he has done; he has turned the professor into a complete gibbering moron.
Then the professor stirs, he slowly lifts his arms into the air, and bursts into song - "Oh we’re from Tigerland, the fighting fury……!"

Three prisoners, a Richmond fan, a Collingwood fan, and a Hawthorn fan, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad.
They bring out the Pie fan and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the Pie fan runs away.
Next, they place the Hawk fan in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the floor and the Hawk fan escapes.
Next up is the Richmond fan. He looks around and shouts "Fire!"

This bloke has just moved to live to Richmond. He's a bit bored on Saturday so he decides to take in a footy game. He looks in the local paper and sees that the Tigers are playing at home, so he decides to go to the match. He gets a little lost near the ground so he asks a local how to get there.
Local: "Take the first left, go straight on, then take the second right. You'll see some queues there."
Stranger: "Thanks mate."
Local: "Hang on, there are two queues, a long one and a short one. You should get in the short queue."
Stranger: "Why?"
Local: "Because the long queue's for the fish and chip shop!"


Richmond are under investigation by the Australian Tax Office for tax evasion.
They've been claiming for silver polish for years

A Richmond supporter got home and found his wife in bed with another man. He was so angry that he got a gun and pointed it to his own head.
"NO! Don’t do that," his wife begged.
"Shut up woman! You’ll be next"

A Richmond supporter goes to his doctor to find out what’s wrong with him.
"Your problem is you’re fat, "says the doctor.
"I'd like a second opinion" responds the man.
"OK, you’re ugly too" replies the doctor.

A guy runs into the toilet absolutely desperate to relieve himself, he runs up to the urinal and after some fumbling pulls out a very impressive 12" dick and begins urinating, in relief he cries out,
"Just made it"!
A Richmond supporter who was standing at the next urinal turns to him and says
"Really! can you make me one too?"!!!




"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[Elvira]

Hey guys, I thought my joke was GREAT but all these other ones are BRILLIANT!!!!!
Great stuff, Luv your work!!!!!!

ELVIRA..............................................

[PIE_CHICK_4EVER]

Keep them coming in they are all superb. I wish I had some to share I'll have to keep thinking.

Just think Elvira you started this off good on ya!!

BLACK AND WHITE FOR LIFE!!

[Danzy Rocks!!!]

ROFLMAO (rolling on floor laughing my *** off) !!!

Go Danny!

[Elvira]

I must say, Ive had quite a good response to this topic
Magpie Chick and absolutely LOVE BAGGIN THOSE RICHMOND BOGANS!!!!!!

ELVIRA.........................

[Danzy Rocks!!!]

I still hate Carlton more than Richmond ... I'm looking for songs and stuff bout them.

Go Danny!

[junkboy75]

actually, most of the Richmond jokes can easily be changed to reflect Carlton fans....just change the names around...

"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[junkboy75]

actually, most of the Richmond jokes can easily be changed to reflect Carlton fans....just change the names around...

"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[dillo_09]

And in the light of yesterdays events at Punt Road.......

Q. How do you double the IQ of the Entire staff, players and members of the Richmond Football Club?

A. Dump a truckload of chook manure at Punt Road Oval.

[dillo_09]

And this was originally penned (under the heavy influence of Wild Turkey and coke) just after Justin Charles was suspended for 13 weeks for drug offences.

Oh, we're from druggo land
Slumped in a doorway
We're from druggo land,

In a darkened alley, you will see we're very thin,
With needles in our skin
We take drugs of any kind
It's the only way we'll win

Oh, we're from druggo land
We won't even hear the ambo's siren sound

Like the junkies of old
We're pale and we're cold

Ooooh we're from druggo

COCAINE AND SMACK!

We're from druggo land


Cheers

[junkboy75]

Hear about the Richmond supporter that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realise he could play it at night.

Danny Frawley went to the Richmond Xmas party dressed as a pumpkin.
Come midnight he still hadn't turned into a coach.

Man walks into a shop in Richmond:
Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife?
Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you?

Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees, asking, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers "241."
"That is wonderful," says Albert, "We will talk about the Grand Unification theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss."
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" To which the lady answers "144."
"That is great!" responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss."
Albert then goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" and the man answers, "42."
Albert responds, "So how did Richmond get on this season, huh?"

A Richmond fan works on a building site. He gets called in the office for a phone call and comes out in tears & inconsolable.
"What's up?" his foreman says.
"That call was bad news" the Tiger fan replies. "My dad's died".
Sorry mate, do you want the rest of the day off?" the foreman offered.
Just then, he gets another call from the office. This time he comes out even worse. Kneeling on the floor hitting his head. Totally gone.
His foreman approaches. "What now?" he asks.
"I've just had another call" says the Tiger fan. "That one was from my brother - and HIS dad's died as well!"

Two Richmond fans were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first Richmond fan said, "these look like deer tracks."
The other one said, "No, they look more like moose tracks."
They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two Tiger supporters walk into a dry cleaners on a rainy day and ask the clerk for a hanger. "I locked my keys in the car, and I need the hanger to unlock the door," the first fan explains.
"Please hurry," whines the second fan. "We left the top down and everything is getting ruined!"

A bear from Collingwood and a rabbit from Richmond are side by side taking a dump.
The bear asks the rabbit, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
"No, not at all" replied the rabbit.
When he finished his dump the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his arse with it

Apparently Danny Frawley went on a scouting mission to the deepest African jungle. When he was there he spotted this huge local guy standing in a clearing. Suddenly a coconut dropped from a tree, which the guy kicked with incredible power and precision through a tiny hole in the foliage.
"Bloody Hell!" said Spud; "can you do that again?"
So the big guy does exactly the same thing, only this time he juggles the coconut from foot to foot before blasting it through the hole in the foliage.
Needless to say, Spud signs up the guy from the jungle and proudly shows him off at the first training session of the season.
"Before we go any further" says Frawley - "Ball" (pointing at the ball), "Goal" (pointing at the goal.) "Ball" (pointing at the ball), "Goal" (pointing at the goal).
"But boss" protests the guy from the jungle "I can speak perfect English"
"Shut up" replies Frawley "I was talking to the rest of the team"

Two Richmond fans are walking along. One of them picks up a mirror, looks in it, and says
"Hey, I know that bloke"
The second one picks it up and says
"Of course you do, you thick twat - its me!"

A Richmond fan and a Collingwood fan get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars (with football stickers on windows) are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Richmond fan says,
"So you're a Collingwood fan, that's interesting. I'm a Richmond fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The Collingwood fan replied," I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"
The Collingwood fan continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this and celebrate our good fortune."
Then he hands the bottle to the Richmond fan. The Richmond fan nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then handing it back to the Collingwood fan. The Collingwood fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the Richmond fan.
The Richmond fan asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The Collingwood fan replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..."


"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[PIE_CHICK_4EVER]

Im still thinking, I'll think of some one day. You guys are so funny, its good to see we all have a sense of humour.

BLACK AND WHITE FOR LIFE!!