FuNnY.........

[Elvira]

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in Perth and, trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is an Eagles fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Eagles fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raiseyour hand?"
"Because I'm not an Eagles fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not an Eagles fan,then who are you a fan of?"

"I'm a Collingwood fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why, pls tell, why are you a Collingwood fan?"

"Because my mum and dad are from Collingwood, and my mum is a Collingwood fan and my dad is a Collingwood fan, so I'm a Collingwood fan too!"

"Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, "that's no
reason for you to be a Collingwood fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time.

What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?"

"Then," Mary smiled, "I'd be a RICHMOND fan."

How True!!!!!!!!!
lol.lol.........
TYPICAL RICHMOND BOGANS!!!!!!!!

ELVIRA....

[Fradam]

ha ha ha, that's a gem

Fradam Wrote This

[SIB4897]

Great stuff, this is already winging its way to a couple of Richmond supporters...

2001: A Pies Odyssey

Stephen Ives, Manchester, England (ex Frankston & Moe, Vic.) Pie 'til I die

[eMmA]

thats PURE GOLD!!!

"gO AnThOnY"...#23

[junkboy75]

You're trapped in a room with a lion, a rattlesnake, and a Richmond supporter. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
Shoot the Richmond supporter. Twice.

Q: Why do women like Richmond?
A: They stay on top for ages, but always come second

Four surgeons are having a coffee break.
1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
2nd surgeon says "Nah, librarians are best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
3rd surgeon says "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is colour coded."
4th surgeon says "I prefer the Richmond midfield. They're gutless, spineless, heartless and their heads and arses are interchangeable."

A new yellow and black Oxo cube is about to be introduced. It'll be called "laughing stock".

The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Richmond are good enough to win the Premiership." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Did you hear that the police were called to the last Richmond game at the MCG? They caught two Richmond supporters red handed climbing out of the ground during the second half, but they insisted they go back and watch the rest of the match!

Jimmy: "Mummy, I want to be a Richmond season ticket holder when I grow up."
Mother: "But Jimmy, you can't do both!"

A ventriloquist is working in a Richmond pub, and during his show a Tiger supporter stands up and yells,
"HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You've been making remarks about us locals being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid, ya know!" "Relax," says the ventriloquist. "They're just jokes!"
"I'm not talking to you, sir," the supporter replies. "I'm talking to that ugly little guy sitting on your knee.

Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and Richmond?
A: OJ Simpson had some sort of a defence!

Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps they had pictures of Richmond Players on them ...
People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: How many Richmond fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite used to living in the shadows

How many Richmond fans does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they all fled at the first sign that the light bulb was failing.

Q: What's the difference between a Pyromaniac and the Richmond football club?
A: A Pyromaniac wouldn't throw away all his matches!

Q: What do Richmond and a bowl of fruit have in common?
A: You always find them in the middle of the table.

Q: What's the difference between Richmond and an albatross?
A: An albatross has got two decent wings

Q: What's the difference between Richmond's squad and a puddle? A: A puddle has more depth

Q: What's black and yellow and funny?
A: A busload of Richmond fans going over a cliff!








"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[Danzy Rocks!!!]

LMAO (laughing my *** off) !
thats sooooooo funny!

Go Danny!

[Danzy Rocks!!!]

Im going to print these off, ive got a few friends who are Richmond fans...

Go Danny!

[junkboy75]

Danny “Spud” Frawley is curious about Collingwood’s great form this year, given their past two seasons, so he decides on a visit to Victoria Park to see how Mick Malthouse coaches his team. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Malthouse how he gets his players so sharp. 'Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally'. Of course Spud wants an example, so Mick asks Nathan Buckley to come over to the sidelines. He asks: 'Nathan, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That's not difficult', Bucks answers immediately, 'Of course, that is me'. 'You see? That's the way you keep them sharp', Mick says to Frawley. Spud, who wants to improve the performance of the team, decides to bring this into the Tiger's practice the next day. He calls the captain, Wayne Campbell, over to the sidelines. 'Wayne, I have a question for you', he says, 'He is not your brother, but still he is your father's son, who is he?' 'My God, Coach', is Campbell's reply, 'That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions?' Spud explains that it has to do with some form of Western Australian coaching trick that Malthouse used while coaching the Eagles and agrees with the one night postponement. So that night Campbell decides to call Andrew Krakouer. Andrew originally played for South Fremantle, maybe he knows something about these WA coaching methods. 'Andrew, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That's easy, that's me!', says Krakouer. So the next day Campbell walks full of confidence to Spud. The coach asked: 'Wayne, do you know the answer to my question now?'. 'Yes it was actually very easy', he says, 'Is it Andrew Krakouer?' Spud answers: 'No of course not you bloody idiot. It's Nathan Buckley".


Spud Frawley was getting worried that all his players were soft, particularly when they played in Melbourne, so he phoned up a decent Melbourne manager to ask for advice. Mick Malthouse explained that he got all the Collingwood players to handpass the ball along the ground while weaving and ducking around cones, thus improving their close ball control. He suggested that Spud tries this. Two weeks later, Mick rang back to see how the Tigers were coping with the new system. When he answered the phone, though, Spud was still annoyed. "Didn't my suggestion work?" asked Mick. "Bloody cones beat us by 6 goals" muttered Frawley.


A couple were going through the traumatic throes of a divorce when the subject of the custody of their 4 year old became the contended point. The judge said that since the lad's future was at stake he would like to see the young boy alone in chambers. Once in chambers, the judge asked if the boy understood what was happening.
The 4 year said "Yes sir, my mummy and daddy won't be living together any
more."
"That's correct m'boy" said the judge "And would you like to live with
mommy?"
"No" replied the boy.
"Why not?" asked the judge.
"Because she beats me!" said the lad.
"Hmm" said the judge, "Would you like to live with your daddy then?"
Again the boy answered "No."
Again the judge asked "Why not?"
And the little lad replied "Because he beats me too."
"Well then, who do you want to live with?" queried the judge.
The young boy quickly replied "The Richmond Tigers, sir."
"Why Richmond?" Asked the puzzled judge.
"Because they don't beat anybody" the boy replied.


"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[junkboy75]

Richmond Tigers Club Song

Oh, we're from Tigerland
A coach's graveyard, we're from Tigerland
And in fair weather then our coach will wear a grin
But when we need a win
We're right behind him cos we find
The knives go further in
For we're from Tigerland,
We never sack 'em 'til our finals hopes are gone
Since the Tigers of old
It's twenty years in the cold
For we're from Tiger (coach, watch your back)
We're from Tigerland

"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[junkboy75]

sorry, but I REALLY hate Richmond

Q: What do you call 1000 Richmond fans at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean?
A: A start.

Q: An Essendon fan, a Carlton fan and a Richmond fan are all thrown out of a plane at the same time. Which one hits the ground first?
A: Who cares?

Q: What do you call a pimple on a Richmond fans arse?
A: A Brain Tumor

Q: What do you call 10 Richmond fans standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel

Q: What do Richmond fans and beer bottles have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: How do you change a Richmond fans mind?
A: Blow in his ear!

Q: Why are Richmond fans like laxatives?
A: Because they irritate the crap out of you

Q: What do you call a pregnant Richmond woman?
A: A dope carrier

Q: How many Richmond fans does it take to pave a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them!

Q: Did you hear about the Richmond fan that studied 2 weeks for his urine test?

Q: What do you call a Richmond fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What's the difference between a bucket of shit and Richmond?
A: The bucket!

Q: How do you stop a Richmond fan from drowning?
A: Take your foot off his head!

Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to anyone from Richmond?
A: It saves time

Q: What do you call a Richmond fan and a horse?
A: Married.

Q: What do you call a good looking woman in Richmond?
A: A tourist

Q: What do you say to a Richmond fan with a job?
A: "Can I have a Big Mac!"

Q: What do you call a Richmond fan in a suit?
A: The accused

Q: What's the difference between 2 Richmond fans in a Porsche and a porcupine?
A: With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.

Q: What do you have when a Richmond fan is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What's brown and looks good on a Richmond fan?
A: A Doberman.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Richmond fan with a pig?
A: I don't know. There are just some things a pig won't do.

Q: What do Richmond fans use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What's the difference between the Richmond defence and a taxi driver?
A: A taxi driver will only let in four at a time.

Q: What's the difference between Matthew Knights and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine eventually stops whining.

Q: How do a Richmond fans brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: Why do Richmond fans whistle on the toilet?
A: So they know which end to wipe.

Q: Why do Richmond men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract

Q: Why does NASA hire Richmond supporters?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: What do you get when you offer a Richmond fan a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: How many Richmond fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One - he holds the bulb and expects the world to revolve around him

Q: What is the difference between a smart Richmond fan and the Loch Ness Monster?
A: The Loch Ness Monster has been spotted.

Q: Why did the Richmond fan get sacked from the M & M factory?
A: He kept throwing out the W's

Q: Why did the Richmond fan get so excited when he finished the jigsaw after 6 months?
A: It said 2-4 years on the lid

Q: What do you call a fly inside a Richmond fans head?
A: A Space Invader

Q: What's the difference between Richmond and Pamela Anderson?
A: Pamela Anderson only has two tits.


Q: Why is the Richmond midfield like a jigsaw?
A: They both go to pieces in the box.

Q: Why did the Richmond fan climb over the glass wall?
A: To see what's on the other side!

Q: What's the difference between a Richmond fan and a lemon?
A: One's yellow, bitter and twisted, and the other's a citrus fruit!

Q: What's the connection between Richmond and Pampers diapers?
A: Piss up front, shit at the back.

Q: What do you do if a Richmond fan hurls a grenade at you?
A: Take out the pin and throw it back

Q: What happens when a Richmond fan gets Alzheimer’s disease?
A: His IQ goes up!

Q: What's the difference between Wayne Campbell and David Jones?
A: You always get a full refund on unwanted goods at David Jones.

Q: What do you call Richmond fans in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: What’s the difference between a Richmond fan and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a Richmond fan and a sperm?
A: At least a sperm has one chance in ten million of becoming a human being.

Q: What’s the difference between a Richmond fan and a catfish?
A: One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

Q: What’s the difference between Richmond and Playboy?
A: One’s full of tits and the other is a magazine.

Q: What do you say to a Richmond fan with a good looking girl on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo

Q: Why do seagulls fly upside down over Punt Road?
A: Because there is nothing worth shitting on.

Q: How do you keep a Richmond fan busy?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.

Q: How do you get a one armed Richmond fan out of a tree?
A: Wave at him.

Q: How do you kill a Richmond fan when he's drinking?
A: Slam the toilet seat on his head.

Q: Why should Richmond fans be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they're really good people.



Q: How many Richmond fans does it take to paint a wall?
A: It depends how hard you throw them.

Q: What is the difference between a man with no tongue and a Richmond fan?
A: The man with no tongue has better taste.

Q: How can you tell when Richmond are losing?
A: It's half past five.

Q: What's the difference between Richmond fans and yogurt?
A: Yogurt has culture.

Q: What's the difference between a Richmond fan and an onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a Richmond fan!

Q: What should you do if you run over a Richmond fan?
A: Reverse!

Q: Why don't Richmond fans get piles?
A: Because they're perfect arseholes.

Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Richmond?
A: Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.




"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[junkboy75]

in fact, I hate all other clubs, so here are the rest of the theme songs (unfortunately I can't take credit for them):

Sydney Swans Club Song
Cheer, cheer the red and the white
Moved up to Sydney when money was tight
Warwick Capper sure flew high
And Lockett's fat arse blocked out the sky
But whether the shorts be big or be small
Swans need a star or attendances fall
Now the AFL is hoping
And praying for Kelly's knee

Adelaide Crows Club Song
We're the pride of South Australia
The mighty Adelaide Crows
Well, our first six years were failures
And then we jagged two in a row
Full of self-congratulation
The bandwagon ever grows
We're the pride of South Australia
We're the mighty Adelaide Crows
We've got one-hundred thousand members
And a twelve-year waiting list
They sip their wooded chardonnay
Then drive their 4-wheel-drives home pissed
And the umpires are against us
As the free-kick tally shows
Cos they hate us South Australians
And there's a plot against the Crows

Carlton Blues Club Song
We are the Navy Blues
We will do exactly as we choose
We're the team who makes up our own rules
Because the AFL is run by fools
Their regulations
Cause us frustrations
But litigation
Will make them hear what we are saying
Cos we're the shameless old dark Blues

Kangaroos Club Song
Hearts to hearts and hands to hands
We play in front of empty stands
And every week we lose ten-grand
In Sydney and in Melbourne
Out we come, out we come, out we come to play
It doesn't matter where we are, the fans still stay away
Let's try Melbourne, let's try Sydney - let's have a bet each way
One thing's for sure, we're easy-beats when Carey doesn't play
So join in the chorus and tell the world the news
We're not called North Melbourne, we're just the Kangaroos
Poor old North Melbourne, they're gonners you'll agree
North Melbourne is the team that plays some games in Syd-a-ney

Brisbane Lions Club Song
We are the pride of Brisbane Town
We merged with Fitzroy for the cash
For we once were backed by a millionaire
But he lost it all in the crash
He left behind a whopping bill
Now he claims he's feeling ill
Dirty schemer, with emphysema
Here's hoping that your health
Is as fragile as your wealth

Essendon Bombers Club Song
See the Bombers screw up, up!
The preliminary final again
As we've seen in recent years
Our finals efforts always end up in tears
See the Bombers screw up, up!
The other teams we don't fear
They all try their best
But they can't get near
Until the Bombers screw up!

Fremantle Dockers Club Song
Freo, watch us go
Sideways, backwards
Against the flow
No wonder we can't win three in a row
We are the Freo Dockers
VERSE 1
We're amazing then we're shockin'
Our consistency is rotten
We get draft picks but we swap 'em
So we're always near the bottom
And though we get up at 4 a.m.
We can't stop our huffing, puffing
VERSE 2
Doc-Doc-Dockers
Show 'em that we're hot
Freo heave ho
Doc-Doc-Dockers
Show 'em that we're not
Oh Dockers, d'oh, d'oh, d'oh
Top

Geelong Club Song
We are Geelong - the poorest team of all
We are Geelong - we're going to the wall
All those years ago when Pyramid collapsed
At least you still had the Cats
But we'll be wound up soon if you don't you come
Down to Shell Sta-di-um
So stand up and fight, remember our position
Stand up and fight, break-even is our mission
Buddha changed his name by deed-poll for some cash
But now we've done our dash
And when the cheques all bounce, we'll asset strip
And try receivership

Port Adelaide Power Club Song
Oh, when the Power got in
We thought we would rule
Come on, let's teach those Crows a lesson
Cos we're the Power from Port
But it counted for nought
That we had thirty flags in our possession
And so we stabbed old Jack
In the back, back, back
And said that history here counts for nothing
Sure, it did get us in
But unless we can win
We should stop the huffing and puffing
And now the Category Ones no longer come
It's just the Alberton mob, well, those with jobs
And the heroes are those who on rainy nights
Brave the cold metal seats with their bums clenched tight
And the Port supporters' numbers fall
Early leavers, one and all
Repeat first verse, then: PORT POWER!!!

St. Kilda Saints Club Song
Oh when the Saints, go caving in
To hand the Pies a three goal win
No wonder smack sells well in St Kilda
It stops the pain from kicking in.
When will the Saints be sacking Blight
When will they realise their plight
But who on earth would want to take over
A crappy team that's full of shite

Western Bulldogs Club Song
Sons of bitches
Red white and blue
You'll need twenty stitches
When we're through with you
Bulldogs scratch and bulldogs kick
We do our very worst
And if you play the boys of the old inbreeds
You'll go home in a big, black hearse



"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[junkboy75]

Q: What do you say to a Richmond fan with two black eyes?
A: Nothing - you've told him already!

Q: What would you get if Richmond doesn’t make the finals?
A: 30,000 more Essendon fans.

Q: What goes yellow black yellow black yellow black yellow black red?
A: A Richmond fan rolling off a cliff.

Q: What's the difference between Richmond and a prostitute?
A: With a prostitute, you're bound to get somewhere for your money!

Q: What did Danny Frawley mean when he said Richmond would play sexy football
A: They were guaranteed to get f**ked by every other team in the AFL!

Q: Why do NASA send their astronauts to train at Punt Road?
A: It's the only place in the world with no atmosphere!

Q: Why did the Richmond centre half forward quit from a pilots job?
A: Because he isn't very good in the air.

Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Tiger fan?
A: A battery has a positive side.

Q: Why did God make Richmond fans smelly?
A: So blind people could laugh at them too!

Q: What sits in a corner and shrinks?
A: A Richmond fan licking a cheese-grater.


Q: What happens when a Richmond fan takes Viagra?
A: He gets a bit taller.

Q: What do you call 20 Richmond Fans skydiving from an aeroplane?
A: Diahorrea

Q: If you see a Richmond Fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: Why does a Richmond fan need two hands to drink a bowl of soup?
A: He has to hold one hand under the fork to catch the drips.

Q. What's the difference between Punt Road oval and Stonehenge?
A. One is a simple ancient structure, which defies attempts to explain its origin, and the other's in the UK!

Q: What have General Pinochet and Richmond got in common?
A: They both get people into football stadiums and then torture them.

Q: What have flour, yeast and Richmond got in common?
A: They’re all inbred

Q: What did the terrorist who hi-jacked a group of Richmond fans do?
A: He threatened to release one every hour unless his demands were met!

Q: How do you start a marathon in Richmond?
A: Shout "Stop, Thief!"

Q: Why do Richmond Fans never take their cats to the beach?
A: Their cats keep trying to bury them with sand.

Q: What do you call a Richmond fan with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: Why can't Richmond fans take their dogs for walks?
A: They keep losing the lead!

Q: What's the definition of Masturbation?
A: Shaking hands with Matthew Knights.

Q: Two santas walking along the road, which one's the Richmond supporter?
A: The one carrying easter eggs.

Q: What do you call a Richmond fan with a magnum of champagne?
A: A waiter!

Q: What do Richmond fans and haemorrhoids have in common?
A: They're both a pain in the arse and never seem to go away completely

Q: How do you get a Richmond fan to stand up?
A: Say "Will the defendant please rise."

Q: How did the Richmond fan die from drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on him.


Q: What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by the Richmond midfielders?
A: The walk back to the dressing room.

Q: What do Nick Daffy and drug addicts have in common?
A: Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.

Q: What is the main function of the Richmond coach?
A: To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.

Q: Daddy, Daddy, why is that lion licking his bum?
A: Son, that's because he has just eaten a Richmond fan and is trying to get rid of the taste.

Q: India has its Untouchables, unwashed, unwanted people despised by the rest of the population. What does Australia have?
A: Richmond.

Q: How can you spot a level-headed Richmond fan?
A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth at the same time.

Q: What is the difference between Richmond's manager and it's pitch curator?
A: One spreads out overpriced manure on the park whilst the other mows the lawn

Q: What is a Richmond fan doing reading a blank piece of paper?
A: Looking at the club goalscoring record.

Q: Why did Richmond go on the stock exchange?
A: To prove that shit can float.







"everyone's a winner hot pies"

[Rowdy26]

great stuff junkboy! lol

[CQ]

LOL!!!

249

[NICK THE PIE MAN]

Those club songs are fantastic.
From Fat Alberton's site. Great stuff.

"Good 'Ol Collingwood Forever"