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Nick's Posting XXII Round 14: vs Fremantle

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The Boy Who Cried Wolf 



Joined: 26 Sep 2013
Location: We prefer free speech - you know it's right

PostPosted: Thu Jun 23, 2016 4:29 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

John Wren wrote:
Jezza wrote:
Finally back in the team Very Happy


could be a late out. tomorrow will not be the night for fair weathered folk.


I'm suited up and ready to go coach..!! Quack!!
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qldmagpie67 



Joined: 18 Dec 2008


PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2016 1:47 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

After seeing the secretly released video footage of Nicks XXII training is to any wonder this team can't win.
Let me give you a indication to this coaches training methods.
Warm up consisted of him standing upon milk crates in his velvet coat regaling the team with his adventures at Mt Hotham with Roosy and how they sipped cognac and toasted cucumbers over a open fire started with the titles of houses they had just repossed from struggling families.
He then had a stretcher brought out so the team could carry him from the oval to the stands so his $575 Gucci slippers didn't get soiled.
Once safely nestled away undercover he produced his loud speaker and began screaming instructions like
Jezza boil the kettle
Magpiebat fetch me another cognac
King monkey have the Range Rover sent out for detailing
Neil go to the other side of the oval there's a child with candy take it from her and bring it to me
Stui ring Mt Hotham see if I left one of Rolex watches by the spa bath in my $4500 a night villa
Thinks positive ring Roosy see if he's up for a game of bridge at 9pm at our private club
Someone turn the lights out the club can't afford the power bill and my outrageous pay packet
This went on until thankfully his megaphone run out of batteries at which time he had the team carry him to the chafe rooms.
His motivational speech consisted of how the team shouldn't let him down and how much they owed him for there selections
The finish came when he made each player recite a oath of loyalty as detailed below

I (insert player name here) do by solemnly swear to ensure that at all times I am loyal and respectful of the coach the gracious Johnathon Ignatius Rudolph Ernest Wren III We will at all times be faithful and public acknowledge his leadership, coaching and guidance no matter how little he supplies
We will praise his exsistance above all others or face the wrath of non selection
We will contribute 50% of our weekly earnings to the fund to build his monument were pigeons and seagulls will roost
By the graciousness of the coach we swear this oath

Any people wonder why we can't win a game under this "coach"
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Skids Cancer

Quitting drinking will be one of the best choices you make in your life.


Joined: 11 Sep 2007
Location: Joined 3/6/02 . Member #175

PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2016 2:57 pm
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^ Oh ye of little faith.
That was a dummy run and it's easy to see who lapped it up.
We are ready for this slogand tonight our resurgence will be evident.

We've only just begun!

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Don't count the days, make the days count.
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John Wren Virgo

"Look after the game. It means so much to so many."


Joined: 15 Jul 2007


PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2016 3:59 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

qldmagpie67 should change his username to louis winthorpe the third. standing on the outside looking at what he mistakenly believes should be his.

shortly, i'll be heading to wimbledon to take in some cucumber sangas and pimms. fear not, i will have my able assistant charles ballieu knight jones lang theodore willis take charge of this rabble. he will be under strict instructions to not let any of the great unwashed near the team.

in the meantime, we do have a late change. out jezza, in david. no, it's not a case of mistaken identity but we believe his bubbling skills to be of advantage tonight.

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qldmagpie67 



Joined: 18 Dec 2008


PostPosted: Fri Jun 24, 2016 6:09 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

John Wren wrote:
qldmagpie67 should change his username to louis winthorpe the third. standing on the outside looking at what he mistakenly believes should be his.

shortly, i'll be heading to wimbledon to take in some cucumber sangas and pimms. fear not, i will have my able assistant charles ballieu knight jones lang theodore willis take charge of this rabble. he will be under strict instructions to not let any of the great unwashed near the team.

in the meantime, we do have a late change. out jezza, in david. no, it's not a case of mistaken identity but we believe his bubbling skills to be of advantage tonight.


Change my name I will not. But if you think running off to Wimbledon will save your tenure as coach you are mistaken and badly
You can drown your sorrows in a vat of Pimms and digest as many cucumber sanga's and strawberries and cream as you can consume but you wont survive the no confidence vote heading your way if a defeat occurs tonight.
Whilst your there you may want to look into a new career. Maybe a foray as a Gary Glitter impersonator or witches hat might be more suitable to your skill set.
As for your able assistant rectum lickerus maximus dumbus assus the 5th he won't last once the power of the rebel alliance is unleashed
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Jezza Taurus

2023 PREMIERS!


Joined: 06 Sep 2010
Location: Ponsford End

PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2016 1:40 am
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John Wren wrote:
qldmagpie67 should change his username to louis winthorpe the third. standing on the outside looking at what he mistakenly believes should be his.

shortly, i'll be heading to wimbledon to take in some cucumber sangas and pimms. fear not, i will have my able assistant charles ballieu knight jones lang theodore willis take charge of this rabble. he will be under strict instructions to not let any of the great unwashed near the team.

in the meantime, we do have a late change. out jezza, in david. no, it's not a case of mistaken identity but we believe his bubbling skills to be of advantage tonight.

Glad to have the night off from these extremely cold weather conditions! The heater was great! Cool

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King Monkey 



Joined: 15 Apr 2009
Location: On a journey to seek the scriptures of enlightenment....

PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2016 4:31 pm
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qldmagpie67 wrote:


King monkey have the Range Rover sent out for detailing



I thought I was fairly discreet with all that.
Custom VIN numbers are not exactly public knowledge....

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"I am a great sage, equal of heaven.
Grow stick, grow.
Fly cloud, fly.
Oh you are a dee-mon, I love to fiiight."
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stui magpie Gemini

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.


Joined: 03 May 2005
Location: In flagrante delicto

PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2016 5:37 pm
Post subject: Reply with quote

King Monkey wrote:
qldmagpie67 wrote:


King monkey have the Range Rover sent out for detailing



I thought I was fairly discreet with all that.
Custom VIN numbers are not exactly public knowledge....


Also, getting blood stains out of fawn leather is a biatch.

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Every dead body on Mt Everest was once a highly motivated person, so maybe just calm the **** down.
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