What pisses you off?

[think positive]

7 months. Well almost, it takes a while for the nerves to settle. Then you start to believe and hope, and dream.

And then just like that. It's gone. And it's back to living in three month intervals. Wondering, what next? You kinda get through, trying not to think about it. And then 2 weeks before the next d day, the blood tests, the nerves, the absolute bloody cold steel of fear that shoots through your soul. And the relief if the news is only a little bit bad. Or the terror of the next step.

Today we were meant to get the all clear. Champagne and good food for dinner. But it didnt go that way. The cancer is back. With a vengeance. Hubby said he wasn't surprised, he just knew. A bit of pain in his hip. Is that it? I didn't see it coming. I wasn't prepared, I wasn't ready in any way.

Telling my kids, it was perhaps even harder this time. The tears and sobs of raw pain. I didn't want to do that too them. And now I have to make the calls again. Only one tonight, to a special friend. I just can't face it. Not now.

Tonight I wallow, I mourn, and I break a little bit. Just for a few hours. Why? For Gods sake tell me why? Don't give me hope if your just going to snatch it away. Hubby has gone to bed, exhausted, and strangely accepting. Almost relieved. And I sit here, sorting socks, terror eating me alive. Trying not to cry. Not succeeding. I was numb. But that's wearing off, and now every piece of me is just hurting, so so bad. I'm not ready.....

Tomorrow, I'll fight again. Start looking for answers, try to get a jump ahead. Tomorrow, I'll Think Positive.

Cheers

[KenH]

So sad to hear Jo, I hope you all have enough strength to get through this. I feel for you all. Hope to hear next check up is a reversal of fortunes.

Remember your motto " Think positive"

[stui magpie]

Shit

Cancer is like that, you don't ever beat it you just make it tap out or go away for a while, but it's there.

Be positive and fight the fight, but don't let the fight distract from the enjoyment of the day to day. I hate to be cliche'd but the old fashioned thought of stop and smell the roses comes to mind. Enjoy every day you get because any one of them could be your last. Someone with an illness gets to say goodbye, someone who gets hit by a drunk driver doesn't.

If that comes across harsh, I'm really sorry I don't mean it to be. I've lost people to cancer, I'm fatalistic.

[Jezza]

That's terrible to hear Jo! I feel for you guys.

Even though it's an old cliche, you need to stay positive no matter how bad things may be now and I wish you guys all the best for the future regarding treatment and hopefully improved health for your husband.

[think positive]

Cheers guys, and thanks, I'll get through it, I just needed time to feel sorry for myself!

Thanks, jojo xxxx

[ronrat]

If anyone can help your husband beat this it will be you. Be strong. Be brave. Fight like Bobby Rose.

[think positive]

[3.14159]

I'm so sorry to hear that Jo.
I can't imagine how even begin to imagine how your feeling.
I've looked for answers to why the world is the way it is and I've never come close to finding any rhyme or reason to any of it.

When your alive you feel pain, frustration, helplessness anger and bunch more besides.
You also feel passion love kindness joy and caring.
The truly sad part about all that is that none of get to live for-ever and life can only end way.
If hubby went to bed ok, I reckon he understands everything I've just said.
He won't all ways feel so accepting and he 'll have every right to wonder why him.
...but that's part the deal too.

I don't need to tell you to be strong because I know you will be.

Me (and 1/2 this forum) love you long time (and all waes).

Xx

[mandy]

I was about to bitch about being home from an awesome holiday. Seems so stupid now.

I'm so sorry, Jo. I can't even imagine.

Sending prayers your way. xx

[think positive]

Well the sun came up again this morning, so I guess the world is still turning!
Thanks 3. Really lovely.

I'm glad you had a good time Mandy, sucks being back home!

Good morning everyone, and I hope you have a beutiful day,

Cheers xxx

[1061]

Sorry to hear about that TP although we have butted heads on a message board I am not a heartless person. I hope things go well for your family as you gear up for the next round.

[HAL]

There is no need to apologize. To Sometimes I don't know a client's real name so I make one up based on their DNS.

[partypie]

Best wishes to you Jo and your family. Xxxx

[David]

Really sorry to hear this, Jo. It's a setback, but this can still be beaten. Keep fighting.

[sixpoints]

Sorry to hear that news TP.
I've gleaned that you are one tough lady, so keep up the good fight and love/best wishes to you and your family.