Why we should obliterate Carlton Diatribe

Apr 4th, 2011 | By | Category: AFL Match Preview, Lead Article

Why we should obliterate Carlton Diatribe

BY Tom mcGuire (regan is true fullback)


Ok here it is: My Why we should obliterate Carlton Rant. I wrote something similar last year but the website crashed before I could submit it:

1965 offers Ron Barassi big bikkies to change clubs and become coach. From memory he was very ordinary as a player but got Carlton into finals 2 years later – for 2 straight losses

In 1967 wonderful human being John Nicholls fibs at the tribunal causing Richmond captain Neville Crowe to miss the grand final. Thanks, Big Nick.

1968 show ponies win first premiership in modern era by 4 points. In the mean time show pony administrators Kenneth Luke and George Harris concoct a “lets give Carlton a premiership” scheme called Country Zoning. Carlton gets the best zone, Bendigo. Its nearest rivals Collingwood and Richmond get crap zones in the Mallee and Western District

1970 show ponies show their habit of fibbing to the tribunal again when indigenous star Syd Jackson lies to the tribunal about being racially taunted by Leigh Adamson of Collingwood. The lie works and Jackson is one of the best in the 1970 premiership over Collingwood

1968 – 83 it’s like the third runway at Mascot as champion after champion lobs at Carlton’s doorstep. Geoff Southby Greg Kennedy Trevor Keogh Peter McConnville. Heaven forbid they should develop their juniors – they like them ready made. Bendigo star Ron Best wants a clearance to Geelong as he wants to stay in the country, Carlton refuses. Best never plays VFL. Bendigo League club Rochester wants to move to the easier to manage Goulburn Valley League – Melbourne’s zone. There are rumours that Carlton puts pressure on the VCFL to prevent this happening. Rochester is forced to close for a couple of years.

Carlton purchases premierships in 1970 1979 1981 and 1982 by lucky zoning and buying champs from South and Western Australia.

1981 Collingwood unearths its star recruit, rover Rod Waddell from the Diamond Valley. Turns out that Rod was briefly staying in his cousin’s house in Carlton’s zone at Lalor. Show ponies threaten court action, the Cardinals back them up as usual and Waddell, although desperate to become a Magpie becomes a Carlton fringe player. The man who could have held his own against the Carlton mosquito fleet watches from the grandstand. Later cleared to Geelong, his career never amounted to much.

1982 Show pony hack Wayne “Elbows” Johnston shows his popularity in footy circles when his Hawthorn opponent tells the truth at the tribunal, that Johnston hit him. In spite of his record, the inquisition is merciful only giving him 2 weeks, enabling him to play in the grand final. Elbows boasts in his book how he got even with the Hawks player, Polkinghorne, presumably by hitting him with an elbow. “Elbows” also manages to take out Graeme Allen and Russell Ohlsen of Collingwood in the 1979 and 1981 Grand finals.


In 1983 Elbows dobs in the New Magpies for offering him heaps of money to leave his beloved Show Ponies. As just about the only player at Carlton not bought in on big money, this does seem a tad ironic.

Elbows shows his form in grand finals in 1987 by taking out Hawks strong man Robert Dipierdomenico. The Hawks are not a forgiving bunch and Elbows spends most of the 1988 finals series with concussion.

In 1986 the cardinals are fearful of the big money explosion from Dr Edelsten and his friends when they buy the Sydney Swans. They institute a salary cap and draft. Of course says Carlton, one of the prime movers of the draft and salary cap. Oh by the way, don’t include us, we have too many interstaters on big money. Ok say the Cardinals, say 3 Hail Marys and don’t let it happen again, you’ve got 12 months to get it right so don’t recruit any more big names. No worries say the Show ponies who promptly go out and recruit Ron Delulio, Mark Naley and Bernie Evans. Carlton cheat their way to the 1987 flag.


In 1987 the Brisbane bears are formed. For penance, the Cardinals decree that each club shall donate to them 2 players. While generous clubs like Collingwood and Essendon give them lots of good players, including Chocó Williams and Geoff Raines, the crafty old Show ponies give them a bloke who’d retired and a bloke travelling overseas.

In 1987 Carlton bad boy David Rhys Jones is fined rather than suspended for hitting someone. Carlton’s lucky streak at the tribunal continues and David wins a Norm Smith medal.

In 1988 Carlton and Collingwood meet in the qualifying final, the last meeting between the clubs in a final. While Carlton wins easily, thanks to a dominant ruck performance from Justin Madden, it is noted that the free kick count to Carlton is double that of Collingwood.

In 1991 the Adelaide Crows are formed with losses to Victorian clubs of south Australian stars such as Tony McGuiness and Darren Jarman who went home. Despite its struggles with the salary cap, not one Carlton player goes home to either Adelaide in 1991, or port Adelaide in 1997.

In 1992 In spite of its roster of stars and salary cap problems Carlton decide to buy Sydney superstar Greg Williams, whom they had rejected earlier in his career. Sort of sums up Carlton, reject a bloke as a recruit and buy him back as a star. They also buy Melbourne’s Earl Spalding on big money.

Carlton win the 1995 premiership by blatantly rorting the salary cap, which is later disclosed when they buy even more stars from Geelong and try to pay them under the table. Unlike the Melbourne Storm, they are allowed to keep their ill gotten gains.

1996 – Premiership coach David Parkin is so carried away by his success that he nominates 4 players from this side for the Team of the Century, including Crag Bradley!!! Overrated hacks Silvagni and Williams are voted in with help from Parkin in yet another conflict of interest, showponywise. Team of the century players from Carlton – 6, all from the 1968 to 1995 big money era. Team of the century players from Collingwood, including the “Machine” 1927-30 – nil. Team of the Century players from the similarly successful Hawthorn team during the same time frame – 1.

Carltoon have consistently bought premierships, from buying Barassi from Melbourne buying Southby from Bendigo to buying Greg Williams from Sydney and of course Chris Judd from the Weagles. They have rarely if ever developed their own people. When they use the draft, they cheat. They have regularly flouted rules they have imposed on others. They don’t deserve another premiership. Show them no mercy.

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